Love at 35 years old. Low demand for love and sex. So, your ingredients for success

I’ll be honest: by and large, it doesn’t really matter where and how you choose to meet people. What really matters is the impression you make. A pleasant, confident person is more likely to make acquaintances in line at the dentist than an arrogant and critical person at a prestigious party.

Why do many men disappear after the first date?

A woman needs to learn not to make mistakes that can turn an ideal date into a nightmare. The most common complaints from men:

• consumer attitude. If it seems to you that this is not noticeable, then it is not.
• doesn't listen to you, doesn't engage in conversation, or only cares about telling their own story.
• talks in too much detail about his past relationships. It doesn't matter what rating you give it.
• chooses too serious topics (worries about tragic events in life) or topics of plans for the future (the desire to get married or have children).

How to find love?

After a successful first date, call your man and thank him for a wonderful evening. And there is no need to be afraid that you will lose your attractiveness; the man will be happy to hear from you. But don't go overboard with asking for a second date. Just thank him and let him know that you would be glad to see him again. Your call can put an end to his doubts and hesitations.

If you did everything right, made an impression, sent the right signals and the man liked you, he will definitely call and set up a second date.

You will know that he likes you if:

1. He will ask you about your family and work. Be interested in the latest events in your life.
2. He will show that he remembers what you talked about before.
3. He will always take the time to talk to you to get to know you better.

You need to continue searching for the man of your dreams if:

• you can't plan a date or he suggests meeting at the last minute
• he is more than 15 minutes late for a date, does not apologize or does not show up at all
• he shows no interest in you or does everything to leave as quickly as possible
• he does not answer your questions, gets irritated, becomes categorical in his statements
• invites you to pay for yourself
• at the end of the date he invites you to continue it at his place or persistently asks to come to you; he gets offended or becomes rude when you refuse

Now you know where to find love! Good luck!

New age period. Youth. It begins at the age of 20, when the period of adolescence ends, the personality stabilizes and continues until the age of 30 - 35.

A person at this age completely finds his place in life and strengthens his position. By this time, a profession has usually already been chosen and an education has been completed.

The most favorable time for self-realization is coming.

At a young age, mastering the profession occurs most fully. The person is full of strength and energy, active, and has an optimistic outlook on life. All prospects are still open.

Communication takes place more fully and productively, and friendships become stronger. And this is also the time of true love. Typically, most people start their own families at this age.

People choose a life partner and strive not just for a romantic relationship, but want stability, warmth, and family relationships.

The love between a man and a woman at this age is the most mature and strong, they seem to complement each other. At the age of 22-30 people best adapt to living together.

It has been noted that after 35 years a person has already formed his own habits and way of life, so it is more difficult for them to get used to living together with another person and, accordingly, it is more difficult for them to start a family.

During the crisis of 35 years, women also experience a change in priorities.

If at an earlier age she was more focused on marriage and, now on the first The plan is for professional activity and career. Or, on the contrary, if previously a woman devoted all her strength to work, now she is more attracted to family. Therefore, many business women, having achieved heights in their careers, by the age of 35 begin to think about family and children.

Worrying middle age crisis, a person seeks to strengthen his position in the family and at work. Wants to maintain stability. The support of a loved one is very important during this period. Spouses should be more tolerant of each other during this difficult period for both. A wise wife can close her eyes to some things.

remember, that a crisis– although this is a difficult period, it is still temporary. And it is important to think carefully before destroying something that has been built over the years. We need to be able to appreciate and respect each other.

Family- this is the greatest value a person has; it can always give comfort in a difficult period. Therefore, the crisis of adulthood is easiest to overcome with the support of those closest to you.

How do women fall in love at 15, 25, 35 years old?

A funny picture with statistics has been floating around the Internet for a long time: why do women fall in love? The percentages in it are distributed as follows: 61% cannot live without unnecessary problems, 13% fall for money, 11% did not listen to their mother, 9% love animals, 6% are simply fools. This is a joke, but, as always, with a grain of truth,” says the online publication Pannochka.net

Only these statistics do not take into account the woman’s age, depending on which her attitude towards men and love changes. We will try to understand the psychology of female love at different stages of life, but not as a joke, but seriously.

15 years
It may not necessarily be 15 years old, but 14, 17, and 19 are the time of youth and the time of first love. At this age we have the most contradictory and chaotic attitude towards men. On the one hand, the bar for a potential boyfriend is raised to the skies, on the other hand, partly cloudy weather in the brain and soul, as well as a complete lack of experience, does not allow one to correctly judge men, evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. In our youth, we are attracted, first of all, by the picture, appearance, behavior, behind which we see, invent and think out internal qualities - kindness, intelligence, decency. Remember how you “selected applicants” when you were 15 years old. It most likely looked something like this. You were walking with your best friend down the street, at a parade, with hairstyles that you had just done for each other at home, seeming so grown up, but in fact, just girls, similar to each other and funny. You walked and noted with your gaze every male representative passing by, and especially those whose age was 3-5 years older than yours. Because those who are younger are youngsters, and those who are older are old farts. And considering that girls aged 13-17 are the funniest creatures on the planet, just show them your finger and they will roll, as soon as another young man jumped past you, there was immediately a burst of laughter. The phrases accompanying this explosion could be the following: “Did you see how he was staring? Ugh, what a disgusting one! Crooked nose! I’m also a punk! Does he even wash himself? He liked you! Look, he turns around! Ha-ha-ha! Let’s run from here!"

This continued until you met HIM. And Pushkin’s lines “The soul was waiting for... someone” and “The time has come, she fell in love” fully suited you too. Most often, a 15-year-old girl falls in love with a guy who is in full view of everyone, a handsome guy or an impudent guy, someone who, for various reasons (arrogance, sense of humor, parents’ money) becomes the center of attention. I experienced this myself when for two years of my youth I was sick as never before in my life, by a person five years older than me. He was the captain of the KVN team. One day I accidentally found myself in a company where everyone was listening with their mouths open to his jokes and laughing. And I laughed too, and then I came home and sobbed into my pillow all night. She wrote in diaries, drew her experiences with black ink on paper, woke up and fell asleep with the thought of him, every day she found time to “accidentally” walk past the kiosk where he usually bought cigarettes, in the hope of seeing him and hearing a casual “hello.” He had slightly slanted eyes, a slightly crazy look, a feverish blush on his cheeks. He was also rude and drank a lot. And he laughed at me. I loved him as one can only love in youth - madly and forever.

25 years
The age from 20 to 30 years with a center at 25 is the same age when the main “fateful” decisions in life are usually made. In this time period, as a rule, we meet someone who - for the rest of our lives or only for part of it - becomes our other half.

At the age of 25, a woman already has experience in relationships with men, she has experienced meetings and separations, insults and forgiveness, several times her ideas about men have been turned upside down and vice versa. She came to the conclusion that handsome men are often selfish, jokers are womanizers, drinkers are professionals, namely drunkards who cannot be cured with love and affection. Now she looks at men differently: she takes a closer look, carefully asks her friends, is afraid of getting burned, weighs the pros and cons, and draws parallels with past relationships. And if in his youth the external attractiveness of the subject came first, now the inner world of a man, his attitude towards the woman he loves, and, of course, his material wealth becomes valuable. After all, he must provide not only for his wife, but also for their children together - a woman around the age of 25 constantly keeps all this in mind.

It takes a 25-year-old girl much less time than a 17-year-old to understand that this man is not right for her. She knows how this or that life collision can end, for example, falling in love with a married man, and she will try not to waste several years of her life on a man who will never leave his wife and children. Although even an adult woman sometimes understands this too late.

At this age, you are in the prime of your attractiveness, and therefore fairly high demands regarding the man you would like to see as your husband have a very real chance of being crowned with success. In a word, you want a lot and you will get a lot! Although, of course, no one is immune from disappointment.

35 years and older
After 30, you become a person with an established character, with unchanged advantages and disadvantages, habits, needs and established lifestyle. You cannot be remade, you cannot be molded into a different person like from plasticine, you have difficulty making compromises and are almost completely unable to adapt to other people. You are who you are. And you want to be loved by the same ideal man you dreamed of when you were 25. This is where the difficulty lies. That man got married a long time ago. He has obligations, problems, and, after all, a wife. He has no time for you. True, sometimes he gets divorced, and then he has at his disposal the attention of many women much younger than you, ready to become clay in his hands. And you are different. You are older. And why are you better than them?

All women over 30 can be divided into two categories: those who lower the bar relative to men, and those who do not.

The expression “lower the bar” can easily be replaced with “become more tolerant of people.” You become more tolerant of men, you can forgive them a lot, for example, rude treatment (“He has so many problems at work!”), a reminder that you are sitting on his neck (“But I really get 5 times less than him!"), sometimes even betrayal ("Anyway, he came back to me. I am a wise woman"). Some women really, with all sincerity, forgive their men a lot, loving and considering them good people, only tortured by work, affairs and life in general. Other ladies endure and lower the bar only because they feel: their time is running out, there is no time for legibility here, even if there is some kind of man in the house. And public opinion, “inciting” them not to wander around and take what’s left, plays an important role in this dirty deed.

A woman over 35 with high demands on men should be ready to be left alone. Because her potential rivals have youth, naivety and freshness of feelings that men like so much. But she also has a chance to get what she deserves. And for this you need to constantly work on yourself, improving spiritually and physically. Maintain a slim figure. Dress elegantly, attractively, with taste, use expensive cosmetics. To cherish and cherish, to love yourself. Self-realization at work. And in your free time, don’t sit at home, but attend festive events, make acquaintances, and live life to the fullest. And be present where the man of her dreams may be (of course, without meaning it at all!) And this man will not miss such a woman! After all, in addition to being successful, interesting and independent, she is also truly BEAUTIFUL at just over 30 years old. And the beauty of a mature woman is inherently deeper and more attractive than the ephemeral charm of youth.

But now I can already hear indignant phrases about why we, women, have to try all our lives for men, to dress attractively, go to beauty salons, etc.? Please, no one rapes anyone. Stay in your favorite stretchy jeans and pilly sweater and don't wash off the polish on your chipped nails for at least another week. No one is forcing you to change! But then don’t even dream about smart and successful men who have Suskind’s latest novel in the back seat of a luxury car. Because you, with your rich inner world, unfortunately, will certainly never fall into the zone of their attention.

So, in our youth we fall in love with the picture, in our youth with the character, and in maturity with the man who truly deserves us. Or we are left alone. And we continue to live. Waiting for love...

When and why do men experience a midlife crisis? How has the attitude of the stronger sex towards women changed over the years? In order to understand the rich inner world of men of different ages, ELLE turned for clarification to experts from the international service eDarling and the international network “Training Center SEX.RF”.

Young people, due to youthful maximalism, often go to extremes, especially when it comes to love relationships. This is a time of maturing feelings and the formation of personality, when falling in love covers a man headlong, but due to the lack of experience, it can be difficult for him to cope with such an influx of strong and new feelings.

Women seem to him to be a mysterious and dangerous element, and it is at this age that most love torments occur. Guys pay attention to interesting girls: it is important for them that their partner is a passionate person, open to new things, since they themselves want to broaden their horizons - and preferably with a like-minded woman. For 35% of men, it is important to share hobbies and interests with their beloved. Alas, at this age a man may not be very sensitive, and a woman’s experiences seem to him something incomprehensible. He doesn't attach much importance to her problems.

But there are also advantages in a relationship with a young man: he takes love affection very seriously. He will remember his first stable relationship all his life, he will carry these memories through the years, and after decades those feelings will still seem special to him. At this age, the thirst for great and pure love is so great that it is difficult to forgive betrayal and betrayal. 94% of men will break up with a cheater, and only 22% will succumb to temptation themselves. When it comes to sex, young people are not very inventive, because the act of intimacy itself gives incredible sensations. However, sluggish fidgeting under the blanket is not about them either - in youth there is nothing worse than routine. It is not surprising that 50% of young experimenters would be happy to try a threesome with the participation of their beloved. Be prepared for his proposal to make love in an unexpected place and other erotic fantasies.

A man in his prime is energetic and focused on his career. This does not mean that relationships fade into the background for him - rather, he simply expects something a little different from them. At this time, the feeling of a reliable rear, stability and mutual understanding is especially important, because after exploits at work you really want to return home, where you can rest peacefully. By the age of 35, 41% of men realize that a woman who knows how to cook is a gift from fate. This does not mean that your path will be the kitchen and raising children: an ambitious person will be able to appreciate your successes in work and will be sincerely interested in your personal growth, because marriage for him means looking not at each other, but in one direction. For 35% of men, common plans for the future with their beloved become more important than joint hobbies and even intimate relationships.

A mature man looks closely at his future partner for a long time, but if a woman awakens his interest and proves her readiness for life together, then next to her will be a reliable and caring life partner who can turn a blind eye to her shortcomings. At this age, a man is attentive not only to a woman’s appearance (this is no longer enough for him), he evaluates her as a person.

In addition, this age is characterized by a desire to diversify sexual life: oddly enough, the most extreme fantasies do not appear in men at a young age - they come with experience. A fulfilling sex life is an important aspect of a relationship for 57% of men. Mature young men are so open to experiments in intimate life that you can safely offer your partner any sex toys or “sadomaso” attributes - he will readily support such initiatives.

A midlife crisis is not as scary as the prospect of facing it alone: ​​62% of men are willing to be in a loveless relationship just to avoid being alone.

A mature man experiences a new surge of vitality and especially appreciates the novelty of sensations. At this age, he is able to leave a woman the right to remain herself - he will accept your originality and independence. Only 48% of survey participants will not be able to forgive the betrayal of their loved one. If at a younger age men prefer partnership to passion, then a mature man sees in a woman a muse that can inspire new achievements. A man over 40 will love you simply because you are who you are; he will be interested in simply communicating with you, getting to know you and enjoying life together. An adult man will be ready to accept your weaknesses and will appreciate your ability not to focus on problems. He loves comfort and is ready to organize a calm, cozy life for a woman, where nothing will interfere with enjoying each other’s company. He will not protect his independence from you, since he no longer needs to prove it to himself and fight his complexes, but in return he will expect wisdom and condescension from you (56%). Maybe sex does not happen so often for men of this age category, but he already puts the interests of his partner in bed above his own.

Ekaterina Lyubimova, leading Russian sex coach:

founder of the international network "Training center SEX.RF"

Men want sex at any age - it’s just how nature designed them. But each period of life leaves its own imprints on their picture of the world, dictating special behavior in relationships and the sexual sphere.

At 25 years old he just wants sex, by and large, with anyone, or rather, whoever agrees and with whom it’s not scary. Intimacy for him is “the measure of all things” and a guarantee of stable relationships. However, the very fact of the relationship also incredibly attracts him. He, like a small child, delights in intimacy with a woman and wants this intimacy in every sense. With all the violence of the flesh, it is young gentlemen who are the most romantic and amorous. And although they have long passed the stage of platonic libido and are fully aware of their organ, it is much easier to charm them than 35-year-olds. After all, they have not yet experienced all the delights of female character and failures in sex. This “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” inspires optimism. And it also becomes the reason for his forced sexual diets - both because of modesty and because of short-sightedness in choosing a partner ready for exploits.

At 35 the man still wants sex, but now in his frame of reference everything is more complicated. Having gone through the sexual battles of his youth, he became strong, tough, and learned from them an important principle - to clearly separate sex and relationships. And most importantly, he learned to do this compared to his 25 years, when his heart sank, and an excess of feelings could fail not only in singing serenades. In general, at 35 he realized that you can sleep with a woman and not live together. Or vice versa - he has already become tired of children, family, unfulfilled ambitions and wants to get at least part of his desires, which he kept to himself at 25. At this age, he especially wants a festival of the flesh, women in love, oral, anal, Martian and what any kind of sex, not excluding the obligatory point of the FFM program. But unlike romantic 20-year-olds, he is no longer ready to invest himself in every “act of love,” much less turn it into a relationship. It is 35-year-olds who are the best at lying and masterfully cheating, without a twinge of conscience, going nowhere after sex, promising a fabulous “tomorrow.”

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The ideal woman in the minds of Russian men is not at all suitable for the role of an ideal wife, and for a happy family, many do not need either love or sex at all, sociologists have found out.

Research over the past 17 years in the field of family and gender roles demonstrates interesting trends, which were discussed by senior researcher at the Institute of Social Policy of the National Research University Higher School of Economics, Deputy Vice-Rector Yulia Lezhnina at a lecture by the Yegor Gaidar Foundation from the series “Myths of Russian Society.”

According to her, family is still important for Russians, but not as an intrinsic value, but as an element of a life project, as a kind of norm. Having a family is a necessary but not sufficient condition. “You need to have a family, without it it’s uncomfortable, and success in life seems incomplete. Although in general it is not the criterion for success. Family is not an area in which one usually puts effort. Unlike a career,” notes Lezhnina.

The ideal woman in the minds of Russian men is not at all the one you want to marry. Judging by the qualities that they attribute to the ideal woman and the ideal wife, these are generally two different people. In the first case, men want to see attractive appearance and sexuality, in the second - thriftiness, fidelity, love for children. As you can see, there are no intersections.

“Some time ago, the ideas about the ideal woman and the wife coincided. Kindness and love for children were important in assessing a woman as such. That is, she was immediately perceived as a potential wife. Now these concepts are being separated,” notes the sociologist.

But women still look at their partner as a future husband, and therefore the difference between the ideal man and the ideal spouse is not so critical. The first one must definitely be strong and healthy, the second one must be able to provide prosperity. But the rest is all for everyone: for some, intelligence is important, for others, it’s important not to smoke or drink.

“But in general, it is somewhat easier for an ideal man to become an ideal husband than for an ideal woman to become a wife,” notes Lezhnina.

There is an explanation for the fact that men want to see certain women next to them, but choose others as wives. According to the sociologist, love in Russian society is generally not very good. In one of her articles, Lezhnina admits that creating a family only for love has never been the norm of Russian culture. But love has always had an independent value for Russians and has been the subject of dreams.

Back in the early 2000s, only 5% of women aged 17 to 50 said that finding true love was not in their life plans.

“Today, dreams of love, even among young people, are supplanted by hopes for prosperity, health and a fair social order. Only 6% of Russians dream of love. Meeting true love is twelfth out of fourteen of their life priorities, while family ranks fourth on this list,” notes Lezhnina.

Only 18% named happiness in their personal lives as a wish that Russians would make if they caught a goldfish. Most of them are women.

Not everyone needs good sex for a happy family. Only 44% of Russians admit that they are doing well in this area. At the same time, 46% of married Russians who rate their sex life as bad say that they have a happy family.

Of course, good sex and love for your partner increases psychological comfort and a sense of well-being. But, according to Russians, this is not at all a prerequisite for a happy family life. By the way, women complain about poor sex life twice as often as men.

According to Lezhnina, this attitude towards sex is not limited to older people. “Young people in megacities, apparently, have no time for this either: they have no time, they are tired, they have other tasks. They prefer to direct their valuable resource to other activities,” she believes.

The family, paradoxically, can sometimes be perceived by Russians as happy even in the case of bad relations in it, the sociologist notes. Thus, 13% of Russians who said that they had a bad relationship with their partner also considered their families happy.

“This suggests that today, when creating a family, Russians are not always guided by the goal of providing themselves with a comfortable system of personal relationships - in any case, they do not put this task at the forefront,” the expert sums up.

Why then do people create families at all? There is no universal answer. For some, family is a comfort zone, where it is convenient to live, pleasant to communicate, and where one can get support. Mostly smart, intellectual young people in large cities strive for this. Some people perceive family as a household. Here wealth comes first, the house is a full cup. Another option: family as a love nest. But this option, as it turns out, is not very popular among the people. And still almost 20% of Russians start a “family for children.”

For most Russians, children still remain part of their life project. 55% would like to become parents. Of these, 10% dream of one child, 30% - of two, 15% - of three or more. Moreover, 75% already have children! A third of our fellow citizens (34%) have one child, another third have two, and 7% have more than two. That is, many families have more children than they would like. Or they just became parents, although they actually didn’t plan to. One way or another, every fifth resident of the country is raising children who are not wanted for him. Moreover, this occurs more often in rural areas than in cities.

The childfree movement and same-sex families are becoming more visible. But not yet to the point where we can talk about any trends.

Anna Semenets