The guy says that the future. Should I continue my relationship with my boyfriend? I love him very much, but I’m afraid that we have no future with him. Dating is usually spontaneous

“I have no future, and my whole life is flowing into the abyss,” is this a thought that is sounding more and more often in your mind? Why do we live and why is it so important to set goals? How to stop making excuses and achieve results? Why do thoughts of suicide occur so often? If you are tired of struggling with the idea of ​​suicide, and life teaches you lessons every day, read the article to the end. There are many ways that will dissuade you from giving up your life and will give you confidence. Don't you see them yet? Then stay tuned.

Why do we think we have no future?

What to do if you want to die? Continue to be disappointed in yourself, blame everything around you... but why? A person associates his existence on Earth with the idea of ​​achieving success, gaining status, wealth, and with it, perhaps, the envy of others, but he does not seek the truth of his behavior. Suicide is a chronic psychological condition when a person drives himself into a dead corner. The loss of strength is complemented by a broken mood, problems in society and internal pain.

This “nuclear combination” does not just take away all thoughts about flowers and cats, but simply takes away anyone’s ability to think sensibly. Constantly being absorbed in the idea “I have no future” is a direct road to the brink, where on one side the thoughts are to fix everything, but on the other hand... and on the other there is nothing.

We are looking for our place where we will be understood and often do not find understanding. We believe in good relationships, but we face problems in finding a partner. We are looking for ourselves, but we are becoming more and more disappointed in our weakness and stupidity. There will always be BUTs, but it’s better to say “how can I get out of this situation and what do I need to do for this.”

Yes, everything is simple, but you need to want to understand everything basic. Any thought on the topic “no future” has origins that begin with one problem. It’s like a hotbed of a virus, from which a person then cannot recover, and worse, die. You cannot allow a stupid, sometimes feigned state to cross out all your childhood dreams, hopes, and efforts!

A person is directly connected with society, where his interests, benefits, and relationships lie. It becomes a shame when your best friends abandon you at the most crucial moment, when there is no support at the very thought of suicide. Where does it even come from? Under the pressure of one’s interests and active activity, a person is not touched by the burden that “I can’t do anything, it’s all over, I won’t be able to find my own happiness.” These words contain two important things that cannot live without each other - these are “I” and “happiness”.

When does a person have no future? At that moment when he lost the happiness of his whole life, which brought him inexhaustible energy! We lose relatives and loved ones, and then we cannot imagine life without their gaze. This is, however, very difficult to survive. It’s hard to survive when you could have achieved a gold medal, but ended up in a car accident. It’s difficult when the money you’ve collected over the years to buy your own home is stolen. Life always throws a challenge at the moment when it wants to test a person’s willpower. For example, if success came easily, then it is possible that it will also evaporate easily. We cry “what to do next?”, because this was the whole meaning of existence, and we were simply not prepared for anything else.

What to do if you want to die, even reading this article now? Do not devalue your right to a better future, which depends only on you. Do you have a desire to strive and not stand in one place? Why not quit this boring job where you are constantly underestimated? Do people around you not consider you as a person and avoid you in every possible way? Sign up for acting classes, get active in sports, learn a foreign language and go on a trip.

Why not challenge stereotypes, change your appearance, break ties with your old social circle? Do you want to cry, but there is no one to speak to? The church helps many people, even when they say they don’t believe in God. The main thing is to believe in your strength, and when the energy inside is wasted, it must be returned immediately. An empty vessel rusts over time, but a full one shines with its former beauty.

What to do when we are desperate

The idea “I have no future” is best conveyed by the following story. It is taken from real life, and the main thing in it is the state of a person who is tired of fighting everything.

Maria is a university student who suffered a difficult fate in her young years. Now she lives in difficult conditions, where there are no beautiful interiors, good equipment, or wonderful things in her wardrobe. She was born into a rather poor family, where, moreover, there was no particular understanding between each other. At the age of 18, Masha needed to get any job in order to pay for her education and also look after her sick grandmother.

She had no time for personal space. From morning until three o'clock in the afternoon she studied, and then went straight to work and from there immediately to her grandmother. Such a routine completely exhausted her that she said to herself: “I have no future. So I'm doomed for decades. Rather, my way out is to die.” The illness of a loved one, lack of mutual understanding with relatives, lack of money, lack of interests and friends made Masha a hostage to circumstances. Life mocked Masha, and she meekly carried her burden, thinking about the tragic end.

What to do if you want to die due to life circumstances? You need to learn to be grateful. It is gratitude that frees a person from obsessive thoughts. Regardless of good or bad, one must sincerely express understanding for one's destiny. The bad is given for a reason, but the good is clearly deserved after all the shocks and upsets. Why does someone else have good housing, but I have a barn with an extension? Why do I ride a tram, and he drives around in a car? Why is he so upset, and I’m writhing from moral pain? A famous proverb says: “If there is no future, take care of it now.

Regardless of everything, you need to be able to say thank you to the Higher Powers, to anything. If you lack strength, you need to replenish it with faith through overcoming internal barriers. Over time it will get better, and the world won’t seem so murderous.”

Masha realized that it was her duty to protect her loved one while he was still with her. She realized that this would only make her stronger, and that all sorts of little things would not torment her in the future. When others cry about stress at work, she will gratefully remember the lessons that made her a strong person.

Let's move on to practice and begin to reboot consciousness. How to overcome the thought “I have no future.”

Find your own dignity

There is no need to constantly point your finger at “he has it, but I don’t,” “he can, but I’m a nonentity.” It is important to start with yourself and not live by the achievements of other people, making yourself an empty place. To grow financially, in the eyes of other people, you need to learn to respect yourself. Respect is the key to self-realization, without which you cannot build a solid future. Look forward confidently, speak confidently, act confidently - everywhere you need to re-educate your habits. Working on yourself turns a weak whiner with a gray imagination into a semblance of a worthy and happy person. While in this state, negative thoughts fade into the background.

Want to live for something

Why is there no future? Many people don’t know what to do with themselves for the coming months, let alone decades. This trend continues for years, and a person still does not find his purpose. It is important to ask the question: “What do I really want to do and what will it bring me?” When you invest your energy, your years of life, it is important to understand what it will bring you.

If you consciously take risks with your morale, you know what you will face and are already howling in despair, you shouldn’t start. Why don't you work as a tourist guide if you dream of traveling? If you want to help animals and not work in a slaughterhouse, then you should get a job in a veterinary clinic. The meaning of life is a favorite activity that will bring prospects in the future. If you don’t see any prospects now, change your occupation.

Don't mess around

What to do if you want to die? Don't allow yourself to be lazy. Such luxury is clearly not for someone who uses his time harmfully for self-torture. No goals, desires? Then you need to take the true path and get rid of bad habits. Alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, even banal foul language do not lead us to success. People are drowning in their own dirt, which is born from inaction. Why is the water in the spring tasty? It flows, constantly purifies, breaks through the stones. The water in the pool is dead; it cannot be clean without help. Employment is the best cure for poverty, disrespect from others and, above all, from yourself.

Open the mind

I have no future, because the world around me is limited, there are no opportunities in it. Being in the gray mass, it is difficult to notice glimpses of happiness. We must never stop seeing the world differently. When people constantly call you and complain about life, and you obediently assent, loading yourself with the idea of ​​“really,” - this is the path to the bottom.

Someone says that it’s good there and bad here? Why not do something for your wellbeing. Tired of seeing empty lawns and garbage - you can write on social media. messages to friends on networks with the goal of cleaning up the park and planting trees. No more strength to sit in this city without leaving? Great, now it’s worth booking a train ticket and going to a beautiful place for a couple of days. You can’t focus on one thing - it stifles morally, leading a person to a state of panic. Reading books perfectly trains the imagination, and, therefore, the main convolutions. It is worth taking a step into the unknown and finding your untapped abilities.

Invest in your future

To gain high-quality knowledge, people go to universities, attend advanced training courses, and attend trainings. If you sit still, see how others are growing, and you are degrading, it’s time to come to your senses. Do you want to master programming skills? It's a great idea to enroll in a course and take the time to study online. Don’t you want to live poorly in old age and not be able to afford to buy your own home or car?

It's time now to save 10% of your income (golden rule). Better yet, make your money work for you. Why not consider a stable bank and deposit the amount? Smart people plan their moves ahead, determining their price. If there is a shortage now, then you need to invest energy, money, and intelligence into increasing the reserve.

Do charity work

To prevent thoughts of suicide from even trying to knock on your door, you need to take care of others. When you focus on yourself, you don't think about the needs of others who really need it. When was the last time we bought groceries and gave them to old grandma? When have you stopped and asked a person who is crying, “what happened to you”? Why have we forgotten that we need to share love, care, and our well-being with those who are in critical condition? You definitely need to filter your surroundings, as there are cases of deception. But we cannot exclude our contribution to protecting the environment, improving the city, and helping the poor.

We believe that the thought “I have no future” has let you go. You are a full-fledged person who has everything possible to achieve freedom. Do not limit yourself to the thought of hopelessness, because for some this may only be the tip of the iceberg. Be strong and know that support is always there. We believe in you!

It's true what they say: love is blind. In life, you can be sensible and attentive to little things, but as soon as you meet an amazing guy, these qualities disappear somewhere. And there’s no time for them now, it’s like this - hormones are raging, dreams are blooming in full bloom! Some girls come to their senses only after a year or two, when their loved one suddenly says: “I don’t see a future with you.” But one could have guessed that the relationship was doomed from the very beginning. Here are some very obvious signs.

He doesn't call you his

“It’s very telling how a young man introduces you to other people,” says Svetlana Boyarinova, family psychologist and author of the book “The Destination is Love. How to find the man of your dreams" . - The phrases “my girlfriend”, “my beloved” emphasize belonging. But if it’s just “my Masha” or “my friend,” then he doesn’t consider you an important part of his life.” Maybe he doesn’t count yet? No, have no illusions. From the very first days, men understand how they will treat a woman in the future: as someone whom they have been looking for all their lives, or as a backup option.

Three months is enough to understand where you are - in the center of a man’s universe or on its periphery. In the latter case, he sees no point in introducing you into his social circle. You never know, you'll soon disperse! Therefore, you will most likely see his friends only briefly and by chance; he will go to corporate parties and events that involve a companion without you (although it is not a fact that he will be alone). And if your mother calls during your date, she will answer her as if she were alone: ​​“I’m having dinner, then I’ll probably watch a movie.” He doesn’t want her to ask him uncomfortable questions, otherwise he’ll have to introduce him again!

He decides everything without you

“In a serious, healthy relationship, both set priorities so that the partner comes first,” explains the psychologist. “This means not only choosing in favor of your loved one when it comes to fundamental issues, but also making decisions together.” Does your man consult with you on how to spend your free time, or just say “Meet me on Tuesday”? Does he call to warn about an urgent departure (“Grandma is sick, I need to visit. I’ll miss you!”), or writes a laconic text message “I’ll be leaving for 3 days”?

Time, attention, money - if a man is not ready to share this for you, then you don’t mean too much to him. Only people you truly value can write nice SMS and help with their move. For everyone else, the answer is usually the simplest: “You know, I’m so busy... But I’m sure you can handle it quickly without me!”

He says he has no plans to get married

“It happens that two people meet for a long time, but they never become a family,” says Svetlana Boyarinova. - You can understand that your loved one does not see you as a wife only from his words. There are no indirect signs here.” For example, at the wedding of mutual friends, a caring “Well, when are you?” he laughs it off or says something like “We still need to see the whole world!” Or he mumbles something unintelligible in response to your direct questions: “What are your plans for the next five years? How do you see the development of our relations?” Yes, perhaps he is not yet ready for marriage in principle. But most often the reason is different - he is not ready for marriage with you. Surprisingly, but true: when a man meets the woman of his dreams, he does not hesitate to propose. So, if you suspect that you will never move to the next stage of your relationship, think about whether it's time for you to find a guy for whom you will be the right girl.

Text: Olga Lisovets

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Relationships and emotions are closely interconnected. And it is by the presence, absence or quality of the latter that one can judge how happy the couple is and how long their union will last. Sometimes all the signs of a doomed relationship may be present, but one of the partners, even feeling out of place, may ignore them or not notice them at all. It is for such cases that we have prepared a list of signs of a relationship about which, most likely, it is impossible to say “they lived happily ever after.”

website suggests facing the truth and drawing the right conclusions: if you noted that only a couple of points apply to your relationship, then it can probably still be saved. But if most or even all of it fits, then this is a reason to seriously think about whether you are managing your life and time correctly.

1. You can't be the "better person" in this relationship.

This applies to both your internal state and your plans for your career and professional activities. The person next to you not only does not give you the opportunity to self-actualize and do what you love, but also constantly undermines your faith in yourself, your mental balance and ability to enjoy life. You constantly feel depressed, you hate yourself when you once again failed to remain calm while listening to yet another complaint. It seems to you that life is passing you by, because it is already the 10th month that you are planning to take piano courses or programming courses in order to connect your life with this, and your loved one is not only not inspiring, but and tries to find all sorts of arguments why this is a bad idea. In a happy and harmonious couple, people should grow and develop together, guide and help each other in every possible way. If in your relationship one person or both of you are pulling each other to the bottom, then this is no longer an alarm bell, but a real howl of sirens, which notifies that it is time to take decisive action.

2. You are no longer proud of your partner.

Think: when someone asks you about your significant other, how they are doing and how they are doing, how do you feel at that moment? Do you want to joyfully and proudly talk about love, about the happiness of being together, about how glad you are to have such a kind, purposeful and wonderful person next to you? At the beginning of a relationship, we always want to show off our lovers in some way, even though happiness loves silence. And all because we feel that we are very lucky, because we have met the love of our life, and at the same time we see almost no shortcomings. A little later, when the wave of blind love subsides, we all, of course, begin to understand that there are no ideal people, and our chosen one is no exception. But the difference between a happy relationship and one that is doomed to failure is that in the first case, lovers are less fixated on the bad and continue to be proud of their choice, while in the second, pride quickly gives way to disappointment and even disgust.

3. There are no more special and significant moments between you.

You suddenly realize that there is not much difference between when you were free and what is happening now in this relationship. Perhaps there are a little more worries than there would be if you were alone, but in general, life as a couple definitely does not bring you anything good. It’s wrong when in a relationship “everything is fine, nothing special,” because love is initially a magical feeling that changes our consciousness. And we’re not even talking about some big holidays, surprises and super-important events. But when there is sincere reciprocity in a couple and people enjoy each other’s company, then they naturally develop some special jokes that only the two of them understand, cute and funny nicknames, etc. Even the simplest walk around the house takes on a special atmosphere and meaning and becomes filled with precisely those very “moments” that lovers then remember with warmth for many years to come. If you live like neighbors who have almost nothing in common or, worse, a lot of things that are annoying, then it’s time to honestly put out the white flag and admit that this is the end.

4. Your partner starts to irritate you during difficult times.

If during difficult times (not related to your relationship) you experience more stress from your partner than from the circumstances themselves, this indicates that you have ceased to be allies, on the contrary, you consider each other an even greater burden in this difficult time. When one of the members of a couple is in trouble - fired from work, given an unpleasant diagnosis, or simply uninvited depression - people try their best to support each other, look for ways to solve the problem and, of course, try to encourage and reassure each other. that everything will work out. If in your relationship in a similar situation you would prefer to be alone, and you literally have to endure the person next to you or take your anger out on him, then this is also a direct sign that something is going wrong.

5. The future no longer matters to you.

You are tired of quarrels and fights, and even more tired of thinking about whether you made the right decision when you contacted this person in the first place. Moving away from the situation and relationships becomes the simplest solution, and you increasingly repeat to yourself: “Come what may,” placing responsibility for your life and future on higher powers and fate. But it is important to understand in time that time flies without stopping, and while you turn a blind eye to your dissatisfaction with your partner and your existence with him, invaluable weeks, months and even years will pass, which you will never get back.

6. You begin to fantasize frequently and become interested in other people.

It's normal to feel attracted to someone or remark on how beautiful or talented someone is, even if you're in a couple. But imagining how good it is to be free or what your relationship with this “someone else” could be like, and even more so shamelessly catching glances and looking for meetings with third parties is already a clear sign that the love union is bursting at the seams . And to be even more precise, this means that mentally you have already broken up with your partner many times and are ready for drastic changes. If you remember those happy times when peace and harmony reigned in the couple, you will understand that in a strong relationship there is no place for such reflections, because the heart is 100% occupied by your loved one. But since such doubts have already crept into your head, it means that you no longer expect anything good from your current relationship and are trying to find peace and joy elsewhere, even if you are not yet fully aware of this.

7. There is “emotional silence” in the relationship

Another type of indifference, which no longer concerns future life and plans, but the partner directly. We often hear statements that love cannot be filled with emotions throughout life. When the stage of love and passion passes, a period of affection, respect, warmth, and calm harmony begins. This is true, it’s hard to argue. But in a full-fledged relationship, this period is still filled with emotions, just of a different kind. Perhaps they are less bright, enchanting and crazy, like at the very beginning, when it seems that you can move mountains for each other, but they still keep the flame alive, allow people not to lose interest in each other, empathize and care. When there are no more emotions in sight, it is easy to determine: you are not interested in each other’s lives, do not strive to communicate, and you think twice before saying something kind and sweet, because you are not sure of what you really feel that, or that your confession will not be ignored.

8. There is uncontrollable and groundless jealousy in the couple

This is the direct opposite of the previous point, which, however, also does not lead to good things. Perhaps, few people will be uncomfortable with jealousy within reasonable limits. After all, this certainly pleases your vanity: if they are jealous of you, it means they consider you a truly beautiful, interesting and attractive person. You think it's great if your boyfriend thinks you can seduce anyone even in a stretched-out T-shirt, or if your girlfriend thinks you'll attract crowds of girls if you go out for lemonade in faded jeans. This means that you are valued and sincerely valued. However, as already said, everything is good in moderation. If jealousy goes beyond all boundaries, you look through phones with enviable tenacity, hysterics break out, when you go to a banal corporate event, you have practically no free time and space left, because your partner records your every step, then this is a pathology that is unlikely to be cured, especially if the relationship is already more than one month old, or even more so a year old. Even if at first it seems to you that you are happy with this and that sooner or later everything will settle down, most likely, in the end this situation will still lead to disappointment and rage, and then to separation.

9. You are no longer afraid of thoughts of breaking up.

When we value relationships, even the thought of a possible separation makes us shudder with fear and try to brush it off as quickly as possible. This is a normal reaction of a person who is so in love that he simply cannot imagine and does not want to imagine what life could be like without the object of his love. But when everything in a relationship is not going well, there is less and less strength left to fix everything, and hopes for saving the sinking ship have almost dried up, then such thoughts become something taken for granted. They no longer scare you, they don’t make your heart beat faster, and even more than that, they bring some strange feeling of relief that all this will finally end and there will be an opportunity to start life again.

Question to a psychologist

Hello!!
My name is Olga, I’m 23 years old, I work as a sales manager in a small company. I have a very difficult, in my opinion, situation with my boyfriend.
We started dating at the age of 18, when we were still studying at a technical school in the same group. I was the initiator of the beginning of the relationship, I almost directly hinted that I would like to date him, and after 3 days he made a move. Since then we have met, i.e. That is, it’s been almost 6 years since we’ve known each other. Of these, we have not met for the last year, on my initiative. last year,
a couple of months before our 5th anniversary in 2009, I left him, at that moment I met another young man, and decided that I would be better off with him than with my current boyfriend (by the way, his name is Alexey).
I consciously took this step because the relationship with Alexey no longer suited me. I still love him, but the fact that I don’t see him as support for a future life together is for
I have huge doubts about continuing the relationship.
He lives with his parents, like me, and works as a taxi driver in his own car. The car was purchased partly from his parents’ funds, partly from a loan for 5 years (a little more than a year has passed
from the moment of purchase). About six months passed after this purchase, and last spring I left him. I guess I realized that not only would we not start living together, but we would not get married in the next 5 years, because all the money They will spend on credit and insurance. At that time I was not ready to wait that long. but now I think that I could, but the question is that there is no further confidence in the future with him.
He and I, or rather I, tried more than once to talk about the further development of our relationship, but he somehow constantly dodged this topic. He said that it was too early, that he was not ready. a couple of months passed after the spring breakup, we saw each other and decided to be together again, I decided to talk to him frankly in private and somehow it turned out that we started dating again; and at that time we were both dating other people. Both broke off that relationship, for almost 2 weeks everything was just so wonderful that I couldn’t even believe it. at that time we decided to get married, I was the first to start this topic and he agreed (I want to make an explanation about this situation: his mother, having learned that we were dating again, asked: Did Olya ask for marriage? He answered: yes. Again it turned out that I showed the first initiative, but he just agreed with everything). Then a turning point occurred and he brought me my things and said that he was confused about what he needed and who he wanted to be with. We broke up on his initiative. Some time passed and he decided that he wanted to be with me, but at that moment I decided to finally break up with him. maybe it was my mistake that I didn’t give him time to realize, but now I want to be with him again and he doesn’t want to, or rather, he says that he has no feelings left for me, that I killed them all with my act when I left him at the most unexpected moment, when he least expected it, when he (according to him) removed all the girls of whom I was constantly jealous from my life. Let me also explain that these same girls, repeatedly called “friends,” wrote to him at one in the morning, met with him while I was walking with my friends, and one day after another night disco he came with a hickey on his neck. I was very hurt and I left him, of course, a little time passed and I forgave him, but the aftertaste of betrayal still remains. Before that, I left him a couple of times, but these were minor departures (according to him, insignificant, compared to that very separation in the spring of 2009, when I left him and started dating someone else), although they were motivated by the same thoughts about uncertainty in him, about whether I will be happy with him and whether we will have a future with him.
Now I have a very difficult choice - to be with him or to remain alone, I really love him very much, but I am afraid that we will not have a future with him. We seem to be together now, but he treats this as meetings, not as a relationship, he does not say that he loves me, and only says that he does not believe me, he is afraid that I will leave him again and does not want to trust me anymore. And the girl he dated after our breakup now wants to be with him again, although she also left him and went to her ex, explaining that she doesn’t believe him because he dated me periodically (in terms of sex, we We both understand that we are mutually not just good, but very good). He admitted to me that he doesn’t believe her now either. It seems to me that if we still don’t get together, then he will be with her, because he once said the phrase: I found the person who understands me, but as a man and a woman we don’t trust each other. and this was said just recently after another excellent sex. I understand subconsciously that now he is trying to shift all the blame onto me, saying that if I love a person, then I will not leave him. I want to be with him, I want to love him, but everyone is against us and our relationship, his parents (especially his mother) think that I am bad, that I am to blame for offending their son; My mother is now also categorically against our relationship. his friends call me an “arrogant creature” and don’t want him to be with me, my friends also say that I will find a better guy.
And my main question is what should I do, what should I do??? leave him and finally and forever break off the connection or endure all this and be happy with him? I'm confused, I need to figure myself out, but I can't do it on my own, I need help, I need advice.
Please, I beg you, advise me what to do!!! Two sides are fighting in me - love for him, for the sake of which I am ready to forgive everything, and uncertainty in the future, that I can rely on him.

Olga, count how many times you used the word “throw”... and not you, but you. Better me than me? Where does this fear come from?

“I’m afraid that we won’t have a future with him (with them)”... so you yourself don’t allow the relationship to develop... And the future is here. In a second - it's the future!

Hello Olga! I noticed in your message that the initiative to start, renew and terminate relationships lies mainly with you. It would be useful to understand what you rely on when making your decisions? Relationships are created by two people. And everyone bears 50% responsibility for their development and future. Do you give your partner the confidence you expect from them?

Olga, people usually ask for advice in order to get confirmation of a decision they have made long ago. You don’t really want to get married, but rather guarantees of some unclear future, although the future is right in front of you at every next second. These are commodity-money relations, not love. The only reason why people can be and live together is love! And everything else is conditions.

Another question is, what makes you behave this way, repeating your behavior patterns all the time? Some kind of subconscious fear. On the other hand, if everything is so great in sex, your body tells you that this is your person.

You only need to ask your heart for advice and honestly listen and implement it. How can another person give YOU advice? If he gives advice, it will come from HIS heart or I don’t know what else.

If you don’t hear your heart out of fear, come, we’ll find the reasons, we’ll remove it - and I’ll teach you to listen to YOUR heart, it will never let you down or deceive you!

And fear...is something that is not there, and instead of enjoying what is here and now, you prefer to suffer for what is not there! Think about it.

Hello Olga! You are now in a situation of choice, and I feel that this is very difficult and exciting for you.

The desire for stability and confidence in the future is common to many women. After all, when it comes to marriage, we are already consciously or unconsciously preparing for the appearance of children, and for them we want them to grow up in a stable, comfortable atmosphere.

But the relationship with Alexey arose in your life for a reason, too. You received something from him, and he, in turn, received something from you. And this became the basis for the start of your relationship. But at some stage this became not enough to continue developing your relationship.

And here you seem to be left alone... I feel you are alone in making what seems to be a common decision between you and Alexey.

Olga, I think it would be easier for you to believe in your relationship with Alexey again if you saw that he is trying for them just like you...

But for now...

Olga evokes a feeling of respect, the fact that you can solve problems and not avoid them, go out to talk with your loved one, even if he hurt you.

I understand that you want outside advice, but the solution lies only in you. I think a personal consultation with a psychologist would help you expand the boundaries of what you see and find this solution.

Every couple, at some point in their relationship, has a period when they want to find the exact answer to the question: “Will we be together?” For some, a dark streak of quarrels and scandals begins, for others there are moments of dissatisfaction with each other, for others it leads to a long and painful breakup. It is very important at such moments to be honest with yourself in order to sort out all the mistakes in your relationship with your loved one. In addition, there are several signs that people are actually in relationships without a future.

An unhealthy atmosphere in a relationship almost always gives us a chance to figure out the mistakes we make in love or direct our personal life in a different direction. No matter how difficult it may be, sometimes you shouldn’t hold on to unsuccessful relationships, since for both partners they can be imprinted on happiness in future relationships. Therefore, now we will look at several signs of hopeless communication, which will help to clearly understand whether the relationship has a future.

Feeling of spiritual emptiness ... When lovers go home after another meeting or communication with each other, they can be visited by different feelings - inspiration from communication, worries about a quarrel, or simply feelings of peace of mind and harmony. Any of these feelings indicates that you are not indifferent to each other. If, when you come home, you find a feeling of emptiness in your heart, most likely you are no longer in love and it is likely that you are in a relationship without a future.

Clarification of relationships out of habit... I just want to find fault, make claims, run into a scandal. And this is not simply because there is a lack of passion in the relationship. But just to make it happen... At the same time, you absolutely don’t want to stop during a quarrel: you urgently need to find out who is right, who is wrong, who is better, who is worse. Communication is based on the principles of accusation and justification. Even when one person asks: “What do you think, will we be together?”, the second one angrily replies: “It all depends only on you...”. But in fact, everything depends on both...

Desire to control . Relationships without love, as a rule, involve a desire to subordinate a person to your desires, your will. It’s not just the pressure of control that begins, but an attempt to destroy the personality or self-esteem in the other half. A hysterical woman also has this property. One way or another, the desire to control someone denies the possibility of trust in a relationship, and therefore destroys love.

Reduced level of self-esteem . When in a relationship between a man and a woman someone feels humiliated, insulted, and begins to critically perceive the successes of a loved one, even with some kind of dissatisfaction or envy, this is already very bad. At the same time, negative emotions prevent a person from developing himself, and he tries to raise his self-esteem by lowering the self-esteem of others.

Mutual insults and humiliation. When everything is bad, but the lovers have not yet figured out how to understand that the relationship has no future, for some reason they begin to look for a way out by humiliating each other. Moreover, they often cannot explain this even to themselves. Expressing mutual hostility most often indicates that feelings between people have already faded. And reconciliation after quarrels speaks more of a strong addiction or habit, but not of love.

Mood swings. If people begin to reach a stage where they ask themselves whether there is a future for the relationship, then their love begins to quickly fade. And if sudden mood swings are added to this, the situation actually looks disappointing.

Dramatic moments when one of the lovers goes to extremes from incredible cheerfulness to hysteria or from tenderness and care to irritation is a sign that the relationship is losing all meaning. This turns into inexplicable moments of misunderstanding: reluctance to explain the reason for behavior, long and painful pauses in conversation, silent departure into nowhere... Thanks to modern technologies, manipulations with the phone have also been added, such as hanging up, ignoring calls, getting SMS.

You have little in common. For some reason, plans for the future have different outlines. Truly, unsuccessful relationships most often develop among too different people who have completely different worldviews and outlooks on life. In this case, it will be very difficult for the couple to move together. And too contradictory and uncoordinated actions will sooner or later lead to a break.

You increasingly prefer to relax separately . When young people feel more comfortable in the company of other people than together, it means that they are pretty fed up with each other. After all, in a relationship that ends in a wedding, a man and a woman strive to devote a free minute to each other and only then be in the company of friends.

An abundance of negativity and a lack of positivity. Firstly, this happens in the relationship itself - partners begin to morally “eat” each other with insults, criticism, and claims. Secondly, a negative attitude begins to occupy a place in everyone’s soul over time. The confidence of one of the lovers that everything is bad, that he will never be happy, nothing works out for him, there is no love, all men are scum..., women are su... etc. That is, a constant pessimistic attitude entails an unpleasant outcome of the relationship.

The more often you torment yourself with the question “will we be together,” the more obvious it is that the answer to it is not comforting. Don't get used to being in an unhealthy relationship with no future. When you notice that a relationship is crumbling and saving it seems less and less possible, it is better to free each other from the burden, spread your wings and fly. Indeed, truly, a relationship without love and without happiness in the future will be felt by your heart as an unbearable burden that simply needs to be removed from it.

Most often, people are held together by fear of change and habit, which raises the question: “How will I live without him (her)?” If you understand that you have done everything to save love, but there is no improvement, it is better to let each other go... and start writing your personal life from a new leaf, with pure thoughts, with a freed heart.