Unsociable child: what to do if you are growing up an introvert. You have an unsociable child

You can do without friendship, like without philosophy or art. It's not necessary for survival, but it's one of those things that makes it worth surviving.

S. Lewis

If you ask how to teach a child to communicate and make friends, many parents will be surprised and answer: “No way. The main thing is not to interfere.” A huge number of parents do not think about such things. They have so much to do. And children will easily provide themselves with a social circle, learn to share cars in the sandbox, fight and make peace, get to know each other and forget each other.

Interestingly, adults do not always agree that children need friends. Various reasons are voiced: “I myself was uncommunicative, and my child is the same. This is such a character. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway.” Or: “Everything will come on its own, you need to wait.” “He must solve his own communication problems. Children don't like it when adults interfere. It’s all artificial socialization.” “In childhood, this is not friendship yet.”

But there are also parents with the opposite point of view. Sometimes this is prompted by one’s own life experience, the experience of raising older children. Sometimes - obvious features of the development of the child himself. It also happens that a child really has little space and time for communication, and parents understand this very well.

I think that now teaching a child to communicate and make friends is the same task of parents as anything else. Moreover: this certainly doesn’t bother anyone anymore. Kindergarten teachers need an obedient child. To teachers - smart. Doctors - healthy. He himself needs communication, but he may not know this yet. At three years old, my son dragged me away from the playground with the words “Mom, let’s go where there are no children.”

Everything written is our personal experience, which cost us dearly. These are solved and unresolved problems. This is a summary of advice and opinions heard and read. At the moment, the situation has been improved. Now my son is dragging me to where the children are. I can’t kick out the neighbor’s child, my son’s classmates call, an acquaintance with whom he went to a circle is found on the hill, at the dacha he independently finds a friend. And I really hope there will be a continuation.

What can parents do, especially if time after time it turns out that the child is not able to meet anyone, communicate normally, play, or make friends?

When he is still a baby, observe how sociable the child is. Often children under three years of age are almost never in children's company at all. But even on the playground, try letting him swim on his own and see if he will go to the children or prefer to play on his own? Will he be able to ask for a toy he likes or give it? You don't even need to be able to speak to do this. Will the child sit on the swing with the children? Will he run around the slide after someone? Will he willingly say hello or hide behind his mother? It should be alarming if a child is openly afraid of other children (and adults), ignores them, or shows excessive aggressiveness.

If your child’s communication doesn’t work out catastrophically, there’s no need to panic, even though you might want to take refuge within the confines of your own apartment, waiting for everything to be resolved by itself. This is the easiest way. However, in the case of a withdrawn child, parents will have to adapt and knock on a closed door. Don't expect things to change quickly. But tune in for a positive result.

1. You cannot compare a child with yourself. Life has changed a lot.
2. Young children do not have much insight into their own problems or achievements. They get information about themselves from their parents. If you tell your child that Vasya is his friend, it is quite possible that over time Vasya will become one, let you get ahead of yourself a little.
3. It's worth being friends with your children. Perhaps your interests do not include discussing diaper models or childhood diseases, but this cannot be avoided. Don't wait until the children go to kindergarten. Start their communication early.
4. The child needs to be taught how to get acquainted with his age. We were able to do this well with toys on our hands. Moreover, in English it is better than in Russian. You need to be able to introduce yourself. Greet. Saying goodbye. Sometimes it can look a little formal, but it's not unnecessary at all.
5. The child is growing up. Don't expect him to get acquainted on his own. If he doesn’t do this, go over, introduce the baby to someone, ask who’s name is. Many children are willing to make contact and approach themselves. These are your especially valuable allies, pay attention to them. The three of you can play together. Five of us. Why sit on a bench when you can take part in auto racing and cook lunch together out of sand.
6. If a child outwardly stands out among his peers in some way, it is worth thinking about what can be done. Appearance, bookish or, on the contrary, unimportant speech, awkwardness - all this makes a child special.
7. It is not at all necessary to immediately communicate with peers. It is much easier for uncommunicative children to find a common language with younger or older children. They may not be ready for a full-fledged relationship for a long time given their age.
8. Fairy tales and books - everything will serve you well. Our favorite were the fairy tales that I composed myself. In the fairy tale, friends helped the beloved car. The crane, the tallest and largest, did not want to be friends, but was bored alone. The thermostat in the aquarium wanted to talk to the fish. Everyone has a little imagination.
9. Maybe someone has no one to leave their child with? You are also interested in the company. Family sites can help you meet people who live nearby if other options aren't enough.
10. If you have invited small children home, make time for them all too. Don't leave your children to their own devices right away. There are plenty of games for a group of children and adults. Even lotto, dominoes, hide and seek are better than chaotic running around. The parents of the invited child are usually glad when their child, who exhausts them at home, is given time.
11. Find something special for an unfamiliar child, let it be a rare filmoscope, a disassembled computer, whatever. Your collection of souvenirs. You can ask in advance what interests the little guest. Your child may not think of suggesting an interesting game. And the guest will want to come again.
12. You can attract the attention of guests to your child, talk about his hobbies... After all, they don’t know that your son is an expert in electronic toys or hamsters. Usually we tell adults about the successes of our children, but here it would not be a sin to help your child show himself.
13. Dose communication. Non-contact children become exhausted and tired quickly. You shouldn’t immediately strive to play games for hours. Intense communication is a big burden for your child, and he may suddenly become capricious.
14. If you entrust your child to someone, and you have a choice, let them be sociable and friendly people who are not just not annoyed by children's screaming and fussing. If your grandmother is happy to chat with her neighbor, your grandchildren will be more likely to play together, even if only for a short time. If the nanny has a child, that's a plus.
15. Remind your child about his comrades. Young children usually learn and forget equally quickly. But yours rarely gets acquainted, and forgets with the same speed.
16. It would be good to remember the names of children in general, to remind the child of what their name is. Wherever you are, you need to make the faceless children's party recognizable to the child. When you pick up your child from class, ask the boy they went out with what his name is, inquire about his progress, how he likes it in class.
17. A good help for this in school and kindergarten are children's photos. Ask your child to tell about the children from the photo.
18. If a child does not go to kindergarten, you need to look for activities where they pay attention specifically to interaction, communication, and joint games. Unfortunately, in most developmental children's centers the main thing is learning. And if a child doesn’t know how to play with others, then he won’t learn there either.
19. If the teacher who conducts the classes is open, sociable, friendly and persistent, this is what you need. Praise and patience come first. Criticism at this age can wait.
20. When looking for a school, give preference to one that offers preparatory classes. What you need is not the classes themselves, but an acquaintance with his future classmates and teachers. If someone from the kindergarten or yard goes to the same class with a child, that’s also good.
21. At school, if a child has a good relationship with a neighbor at his desk, ask them not to seat them, because Children are often swapped for various reasons.
22. “Secure” your success, meet the parents, invite the children to visit. At school, children often don't even have time to talk. Your child may be embarrassed to invite you over, help him.
23. If you go to the cinema, to the theater, to the aquarium, to the museum, invite other children and classmates. Not everyone likes to act as a mother of many children, but it is good for the children. Let them have more topics to discuss.
24. Trips to the south, to a small village where children walk on their own in the old fashioned way, where war games, space travel, knives and lids, and the construction of huts still survive, turned out to be valuable for us.
25. After all, if a child needs a friend, you are also a suitable candidate. This won’t replace communication with peers, but it won’t be superfluous either.

And finally, we need to stop providing this assistance in time...

Discussion

Good day! My child is 7 years old and from an early age, about 2, we noticed that the child is not drawn to children, he doesn’t seem to see them, doesn’t need them, the problem is that this continues to this day, that we only My husband and I didn’t try to introduce it into the children’s environment, we got involved in the game ourselves, squeezing the child into the company of children, but alas, oh. At the same time, the child is not autistic, he is very active, but his age seems to lag behind, as if he is immature, the judgments and actions of his too young child, although he goes to 1st grade and has a good grade in the program (his intelligence is unaffected). The husband spat, although he used to drive him outside, but now he doesn’t bother his son so that the child goes outside. What to do? What should I do? Maybe someone had this? Will it pass or not? Thank you in advance!

Of these tips, 2-3 will be effective and will really help. In general, everything is much simpler. We must try to be friends with the child and everything will work out.

Comment on the article "Uncommunicative child: how to help him? 25 tips"

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Passivity of infants. If search activity has such great general biological significance and has a positive effect on health, then a logical question may arise: what causes a refusal to search, how this inadequate form of behavior was preserved in the process of evolution, why it was not destroyed by nature through natural selection as dangerous and harmful? So far there is only one explanation for this. The fact is that every organism at an early stage of its development acquires the experience of passive-defensive behavior. At this stage, such behavior cannot be qualified as a refusal to search for the simple reason that the mechanisms of the central nervous system have not yet been formed to ensure sustainable search activity. Therefore, passive-defensive behavior in the first weeks or months of life is the only possible one when faced with danger or a task that exceeds capabilities.
It is interesting that highly developed animals, which display high search activity in adulthood, after birth experience the experience of helplessness and complete dependence on their parents and immediate environment, i.e., the period of childhood increases in the course of evolution. In a human child, this stage is especially large, since it is in the course of communication with adults and “appropriation” of the achievements of civilization that the further development of the nervous system and behavior takes place. At the same time, the high organization of human society provides the baby with care and safety for the entire time of his helplessness.
The role of early experience. However, the experience of relatively passive behavior does not disappear without a trace: precisely because the child’s central nervous system is extremely sensitive to any influences (which makes it so plastic and ready to learn), the experience acquired at this time is consolidated forever. The brain of a newborn is prepared to perceive and very firmly consolidate impressions without any criticism of them. Therefore, the experience of dependence, helplessness and passive-defensive behavior is very strong and the subject needs to further actively overcome it. Essentially, the entire further process of development of the organism is relearning, but early experience cannot be completely eliminated and contains a constant prerequisite for the development (under the conditions discussed below) of passive-defensive behavior already in adulthood. But, of course, in adult individuals of those species that are capable of active search, passive-defensive behavior is regressive, that is, it reflects a return to earlier stages of development, and can be qualified as a refusal to search with all the described consequences.

Activity training. Research conducted by the American psychophysiologist M. Seligman shows how important early life experience is for all subsequent animal behavior and for its resistance to even such a terrible disease as a malignant tumor. He divided newborn rat pups into 3 groups. One of them, the control, grew under normal laboratory conditions. Another was placed for a short period in a situation of insurmountable difficulties, when no behavior could save the animals from punishment with electric shock. The third group was given stressful conditions that could be overcome with active behavior. Thus, the second group gained the experience of their own powerlessness in the face of circumstances, and the third - the experience of resistance. When the pups grew up, each group was divided into 3 subgroups, in which the circumstances of the early experience were reproduced. As a result, 9 models were created:
1. Normal conditions both in childhood and in adulthood.
2. Normal conditions in childhood are unavoidable stress after maturation.
3. Normal conditions in childhood - stress that can be overcome with active search in adulthood.
4. Experiences of helplessness in childhood are normal conditions after maturation.
5. Experience of helplessness both in childhood and in adulthood.
6. The experience of helplessness in childhood is a fundamentally surmountable stress after maturation.
7. The experience of active resistance in childhood is normal conditions in adulthood.
8. Experience of active resistance in childhood - unavoidable punishment in adulthood.
9. The experience of active resistance in childhood is the same in adulthood.
Representatives of all nine subgroups were implanted with malignant tumor cells. And here it was discovered that animals that had received the experience of helplessness in childhood, after maturation, behaved passively in all situations, that is, not only when objectively nothing could be changed, but also when it was possible to be saved by active behavior. It was in these animals that sarcoma cells most often engrafted, and the animals died. The same rats, which in childhood acquired the experience of resistance, showed persistence in searching for a way out even from a hopeless situation, and the malignant tumor was rejected from them even when they faced insurmountable difficulties, but fought. She was rejected from them more often than from animals that had lived in normal conditions since childhood.
This experiment is indicative in many ways. Firstly, it demonstrates the importance of early experience for the formation of active search behavior, and secondly, it convincingly indicates that behavior can be more important than external circumstances and more important than experienced emotions - after all, those actively resisting rats who, in adulthood, faced insurmountable difficulties, constantly received negative reinforcement for their efforts and yet did not get sick.
Of course, directly transferring these data to humans would be too bold. But psychologists and doctors agree in recognizing the critical role of early childhood for human development and the formation of stress resistance. As for tumors, many recent studies have shown that feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are one of the main risk factors for death from cancer:
What are the main conditions for overcoming the early experience of natural helplessness and why may this overcoming not be entirely successful? First of all, the baby must feel under the constant protection of his immediate environment, especially his mother. He must gain confidence that crying, the only way available to him to respond to unpleasant sensations (hunger, pain, discomfort in bed, fear of the unknown), is quite effective and helps him control the situation. Among young mothers, there is often an erroneous and harmful idea that one should not indulge the baby’s whims and that one can wean him from screaming and crying without paying attention to him. In many cases this method actually turns out to be effective. If, with a constant emotional and behavioral response to the child’s crying, his cry after some time can acquire an unpleasantly demanding character and will sound at the slightest discomfort, then ignoring the crying will more or less quickly lead to the fact that after the stage of “rolling cry” (an attempt to turn the situation around ) it will first turn into helpless, offended sobbing (a feeling of one’s own powerlessness), and then stop altogether, creating in the mother the illusion of a successful educational action. The fact that the child will receive the first experience of the futility of any efforts, which reinforces the passive-defensive attitude characteristic of this stage of life, will remain behind the scenes.
It must be remembered that a baby, if he is healthy, cries only when he experiences real discomfort (damp bed, hunger, pain in the stomach). If he is sick, attention to him is even more necessary. Therefore, he must gradually gain confidence that he can attract attention to himself by shouting and can rely on his mother’s good attitude and her constant protection. Only with her help can he gradually develop the ability to actively interact with the world and search behavior; only she can carefully guide him through the stage of patronage and support to the stage of independence and independence.

With mother's milk. Very important studies revealing the role of early contacts with the mother for the entire subsequent development of the child were carried out on monkeys. After the first months of life, the monkeys were separated from their mothers and the dynamics of their behavior were studied in detail. The first reaction was acute fear and a short but violent protest: the monkey screamed, did not allow people to approach it, shook the bars of the cage, its behavior was in the nature of chaotic panic. Immediately after this, a typical passive-defensive reaction like depression developed: the babies refused to eat, lost all interest in their surroundings, sat apathetically in the corner of the cage, were frightened by any surprise, they developed somatic disorders - gastrointestinal ulcers, weight loss, hair loss.
If the isolation continued long enough, some monkeys died, and the survivors lost the ability to form normal relationships with their mother (once returned to her) and with other monkeys. Sexual relations were severely disrupted. At the same time, their ability to learn decreased and unprovoked aggressive reactions occurred.
Interestingly, this entire isolation syndrome developed even in cases where the monkey could constantly see its mother through the glass wall of the cage, but was deprived of bodily contact with her. Similar symptoms, although less pronounced, were observed in cases where there was no complete isolation, but only separation from the mother.
The prominent Soviet physiologist, founder of age-related physiology I. A. Arshavsky showed that for the normal physiological development of a child, early breastfeeding by the mother is necessary - no later than 30 minutes after birth. In 1980, this method was adopted by the World Health Organization as mandatory for all countries. Unfortunately, in our country it has not yet received sufficient distribution and young mothers receive their children for the first feeding after 2-3 days. Meanwhile, early breastfeeding not only increases the immune resistance of infants and prevents them from allergies, but is also a natural part of early contact with the mother.
The study convincingly shows how important early emotional and sensory contact with the mother is for the formation of the child’s psyche and behavior. Moreover, it can be assumed that such intimate contact is effective to a large extent precisely due to the prevention of passive defensive behavior and refusal to search. This is quite consistent with the results of a study of so-called pediatric hospitalism. This is a characteristic set of symptoms that develops in children who are separated from their families for a long time and placed in a medical institution. They not only lag behind their peers in intellectual development, but are also characterized by an inability to build relationships with children and adults, a decrease in vitality, a tendency to depressive reactions, and low resistance of the body to various harmful influences. A serious pedagogical and psychological problem is also the upbringing of fully-fledged, especially emotionally, children in orphanages and orphanages.
Considering the irreplaceable role of a mother’s warm attitude in overcoming the child’s natural tendency to passive-defensive behavior, the government’s decision to extend maternity leave to 1.5 years should be welcomed. Transferring children to public institutions too early can lead to irreversible changes in their psyche and behavior.

Childhood psychotrauma. Both parents and teachers of nurseries and kindergartens must understand the specifics of a child’s development and what harm can be caused by an incorrect attitude towards him, ignoring his natural needs for affection, care and support. In this regard, the general emotional situation in the family (or in the team replacing the family), to which the child is especially sensitive, also deserves special attention. Family conflicts and quarrels in the environment closest to the child, manifestations of mutual hostility inevitably cause in the little person a feeling of threat, trouble, insufficient security, not to mention the fact that the deterioration in the mood of adults involuntarily affects their attitude towards the child, for whom there is no longer enough no affection, no patience. All this together forms childhood psychotraumas, which, as shown in many studies, often precede the onset of neurotic and psychosomatic disorders by decades. This can be explained as follows. Having experienced a psychotraumatic situation at an age when he is not yet capable of actively searching to overcome it, the child seems to be entrenched in his initial tendency towards a passive-defensive reaction, instead of gradually overcoming this tendency, “getting over” it.
A conflict or stressful situation that arises already in adulthood and affects significant emotional relationships of a person turns into a blow to a weak link: on the one hand, it provokes a stereotype of passive-defensive behavior fixed since childhood in any difficult situation, i.e. causes a refusal to search for ways to resolve the conflict. On the other hand, in some of its aspects it resembles that specific situation in childhood that was psychotraumatic, and thanks to the strong imprinting of that situation, it also reproduces the child’s type of reaction. It seems that it was precisely this kind of observation that formed the basis of Freud’s statements about the role of childhood psychotrauma in the development of diseases in adults and that regressive behavior underlies neuroses and psychosomatic diseases. After all, a return to the passive-defensive reaction fixed in childhood is a regression of behavior, i.e., a decrease in its level to a more primitive one.

“It’s not scary with mom.” What is the role of the mother and the entire immediate environment in actively overcoming the prerequisites for passive defensive behavior? The most general principle is that the child should, from a very early age, be carefully but persistently encouraged to engage in activities available to him, of course, always under the auspices of his parents or persons in their place. This protection is necessary so that encounters with the first difficulties do not provoke and consolidate a reaction of passive fear - next to the mother, under her protection, the child is much less prone to such reactions, overcomes them more easily and is ready for more active attempts to explore the world around him.
For freedom of movement. A huge role in the further development of search activity is played by conditions that provide the child with maximum freedom of movement. This issue is worth dwelling on in more detail. Research by I. A. Arshavsky has shown that the spontaneous motor activity of a child is a factor that not only contributes to the development of the muscular system, but also increases the body’s energy reserves. In this case, the body acquires the ability to carry out activities that were previously inaccessible to it. Thus, a system with positive feedback is formed, when physical activity creates the prerequisites for its own development. But apparently there is more to it than that.
In movements as such. For a baby, movement is actually the only way to explore oneself and the world around him, to establish cognitive contacts with the environment, and this explains the huge role of movements for the development of the psyche and intellect. From the acting muscles, impulses are constantly sent to the brain, stimulating the central nervous system and promoting its development. In all cases, when motor behavioral reactions in children are determined not by internal motivations, not by the desire for contact with the world, but are caused by external coercion, the potential creative inclinations of each child are often irreversibly suppressed. On the other hand, with paralysis that is not caused by severe brain damage, attempts, even if not entirely successful, to make various voluntary contacts with the environment are often especially pronounced. They, in particular, are focused on actively compensating for the existing deficit, on overcoming difficulties, which is manifested in the desire to rise, sit, stand, walk - and in these cases, the development of intelligence not only does not suffer, but can even exceed that of typically developing children. The point, therefore, is not only and not so much in the movements as such, but in the targeted search activity realized through movements. A goal for a person, starting from an early age, emphasizes I. A. Arshavsky, to the extent that it stimulates activity, is the most organizing factor in his development. It follows that the baby must first of all be provided with conditions for free spontaneous movements. And for this it is necessary to abandon tight swaddling in the first weeks of life and dress the child in special loose clothing. The harm of swaddling is not only physiological, but also psychological, because it perpetuates a feeling of helplessness and passive dependence.

So that the baby develops. The baby, freed from the diaper shackles, needs to be drawn into various games quite early and the further, the more - first simple, then more and more complex.
It is necessary to actively attract his attention to people and objects, starting with shiny and sounding toys that are hung above the bed so that the child can reach them, however, making some effort for this. It is necessary to change his position in bed more often and occasionally pick him up to expand his field of vision. In the future, the following principle should be followed: as the child masters some skills, the tasks that are set for him in game situations should slowly but steadily become more complicated. Parents should always be ready to help their child if he cannot cope with something, before he falls into despair from his powerlessness. However, one should not rush to offer help while the child shows a readiness to try to solve the problem on his own again and again. It is necessary to ensure that failures do not follow one another, but success should not be achieved too quickly, without sufficient effort, and most importantly, success should not be completely guaranteed even before any effort begins, because such a guarantee kills search activity. Achieving a goal must involve overcoming obstacles, but they themselves must be surmountable. The older the child becomes, the more important it is to observe the relationship between success and failure: comfortable, softening conditions, satisfying all desires without searching are no less harmful than constant depressing failures. It is necessary to remember the dangers of “diseases of achievement.” Even if a person has formed a need for search, but, having consciously set himself a super task, he has achieved the desired goal, which he considers the crown of all efforts, he is in a dangerous situation.
He may subsequently actively suppress his need to search out of a desire to stop there, out of fear that further search activity carries the risk of losing what he has already acquired. Such fear is the first step towards the abyss. But constant failures ultimately devalue active search and cause not only a feeling of hopelessness, but also fear of any efforts, because they lead to endless punishments. Remember Chekhov’s hero from The Cherry Orchard, nicknamed “twenty-two misfortunes” - he is pre-set for the failure of any action, and with such an attitude the chances of failure are sure to increase.

Forecast and activity. Here it is appropriate to say a few words about the problem of the relationship between search activity and forecast. As the reader remembers, the uncertainty of the forecast of the result of an activity is an indispensable condition for search behavior. This seems clear - a 100% forecast makes any search unnecessary. But this is the case only with a positive prognosis. With a negative forecast, even if it is quite definite, the situation becomes more complicated. The connection between search activity and probable prediction of performance outcomes is demonstrated by the following experiment. A three-stage study of adult healthy subjects was conducted, divided into 4 groups. At the initial stage of the study, the subjects of the first group were given very difficult problems, none of which they were able to solve (0% success). The subjects of the second group were given very simple problems and solved them easily (100% success). The subjects of the third group received tasks that were very uneven in difficulty, and on average they coped with only every second of them (50% success). After this, the subjects of all three groups and the fourth control group (which had not previously participated in the study) were presented with a series of problems that had no solution. This was the second stage of the experiment.
At the final stage, all subjects were offered tasks of medium difficulty, but quite feasible for them. The results of the experiment were unexpected. The subjects of the first, second and control groups, having experienced failure at the second stage of the study, were equally bad at solving not so difficult problems obtained at the final stage of the experiment. Only the subjects of the third group coped with these tasks quite successfully. Thus, complete and easily achievable success, characteristic of the subjects of the second group, does not have a better effect on resistance to subsequent failures than hopeless defeats. But the direction of the probabilistic forecast, its “sign” in these two groups is directly opposite. Constant failures at the initial stage of the experiment should have formed a pronounced negative forecast, confidence in the inability to control the situation and cope with difficulties. Consistent success should have formed a positive forecast, complete confidence in the ability to control the situation. But the final results indicate that these forecast characteristics in this case are not decisive. If there is no difference between the transition to constant failures from constant success, on the one hand, and from constant defeats, on the other, then such preliminary experience and forecast are not decisive.
More importantly, the forecast in both cases is absolutely certain, and a 100% forecast, even if it is a forecast of success, reduces search activity and therefore makes the person more vulnerable to subsequent failures. Constant positive reinforcement, if it does not require serious effort from a person, but is provided as if by itself, leads to the fact that the mechanisms of search activity atrophy and it is much more difficult for the subject to mobilize them when faced with life’s difficulties. At the same time, the regular alternation of successes and failures, set for the subjects of the third group (and as most often happens in real life), preserves the uncertainty of the forecast and at least does not suppress search activity, and under favorable circumstances it can even increase it.
However, this does not mean that forecast uncertainty alone is sufficient to trigger search behavior. It is possible to refuse the search even if the forecast of the results is uncertain. This requires a combination of several factors. It is necessary that the expected negative results of search behavior turn out to be so significant and traumatic for a person that he prefers to stop searching. This is especially likely if the need for search is not very great, the mechanisms of search activity are extinguished by previous living conditions, and if the current situation somehow revives the experience of early childhood, when the absence of search behavior was natural. Thus, if an absolutely definite forecast, especially a positive one, makes search behavior unnecessary and impossible, then an uncertain forecast, although it requires search, cannot provide it on its own.

Don't die before you die. From the experiment described above with four groups of subjects, another important conclusion follows: the alternation of successes and failures, the existence of a certain balance between them, which, with active search behavior, should be shifted towards success. If the experience of such behavior provided a high level of success, then the search can persist for quite a long time even in a hopeless situation. This does not mean, of course, that a person is not able to adequately assess such a situation and does not notice its futility. It’s just that all the previous experience of life and overcoming difficulties, previously formed and justified forecasts seem to come into conflict with the assessment of this situation. A person, despite everything, tries to overcome it, turn it around, and ultimately wins, at least in relation to his health.
Resilience to failure is the most valuable human quality. It’s not for nothing that in our speech there are so many formulations like: “Don’t be discouraged,” “Keep your nose up,” “Keep your head up,” etc. And in the colony of A. S. Makarenko there was even a slogan: “Don’t squeak!” All these calls express deep folk wisdom, which places a high value on fortitude and active behavior in difficult situations.
This life wisdom is reflected in the old fairy tale about two frogs who climbed into the cellar and fell into a pot of sour cream. The situation was hopeless, and one of the frogs did not waste any strength and sank to the bottom. And the other one floundered, floundered, and soon felt something hard under her paws: she herself had churned solid butter out of the liquid sour cream. She rested her paws on the hard lump of oil and jumped out of the pot. The tale ends with a lesson addressed to the first frog who died in a pot of sour cream: do not lose heart, do not die before death.
Initially high search activity can persist in an objectively hopeless situation and can be aimed at changing the forecast itself, i.e., at finding or creating new, previously unaccounted for chances. Here the way opens to creativity, the potential possibilities of which are fundamentally unlimited. And where creativity begins, it is no longer possible to talk about a 100% negative forecast.

“And most of all, you are human.” Finally, humans, unlike animals, have another opportunity to direct search in a situation that is regarded as hopeless and could lead to capitulation and refusal. The search can be aimed not so much at changing the situation itself, but at organizing one’s own behavior, allowing one to maintain self-respect that suits the subject’s image of himself, his “I-concept.” “I am a human being, and therefore I have no right to allow myself to depend on circumstances. No matter how they turn out, I am obliged to behave with dignity and prove (first of all to myself) that I am truly the strong and integral person that I imagine myself to be.” Organizing and maintaining such behavior requires searching, and a 100% forecast of whether it will be possible to maintain such a position under the most difficult circumstances is obviously impossible.
So far, we have discussed the problem of search activity as a general biological one and emphasized the similarities between humans and animals both in the manifestations of search behavior and in its impact on health. But it would be a serious mistake to ignore the fundamental differences between man and even higher animals in the nature and direction of his search. We are talking, first of all, about the fact that in humans, search behavior ceases to be only situational (ensuring the satisfaction of the need for food, safety and procreation), and often becomes an end in itself and is realized in creativity. The search for a way out of an unacceptable situation and the search for new meanings, characteristic of human creativity, although they have a similar effect on physical health, differ in many ways from each other, and in the future we will dwell on this in more detail. But, moreover, the ability to isolate oneself from the outside world, to self-perception opens up opportunities for a person to search for his own “I”, to become a person. Finding your own “I” is a search for your place in the world, a search for the meaning of existence, a search for answers to the most basic, eternal questions: “What am I?”, “Why do I live?”, “What am I looking for in relationships with other people?” ?”, “Who are these other people?”, “What do human history and culture mean to me?” There are no final, unambiguous and universal answers to these questions, but the constant search for such answers is what is called spirituality. Spirituality implies creativity not only in the form of creating new ideas or works that have objective significance and value, but also in the sense of building one’s inner world, which requires no less creative effort. Therefore, spirituality is a form of search activity inherent in a person.

In search of myself. The philosopher A. S. Arsenyev believes that developing in a person the ability to search for himself, helping him to reveal his potential in relationships with the world and other people is the main task of training and education. Finding yourself and creating yourself is also a kind of creative process, which is fundamentally inexhaustible and has no boundaries. After all, no one can claim with sufficient grounds that he has reached the pinnacle of self-knowledge. True, in some philosophies of the East, the search for one’s “I” and one’s place in life is seen as a supposedly final process, and complete self-comprehension looks like an achievable result. Moreover, there are trends in Indian philosophy that insist on the renunciation of any search for oneself and proclaim the initial coincidence of a person with his ideal: “There is no need to strive for anything, because everything is already given.” But there are serious reasons to believe that such ideas are rather psychotherapeutic in nature, freeing a person from the paralyzing fear of the unattainability of the desired goal of self-improvement, preventing abandonment of the search and restoring the naturalness and spontaneity of behavior. If the complete and final comprehension of one’s “I” (and the world of human relations, without which the “I” simply does not exist) were really possible, this would mean a stop in the spiritual development of the personality, its ossification and death, for only constant movement ensures a full life human spirit. And that is why the search for oneself and one’s place in the world is the most universal type of search activity, which most of all guarantees against a state of refusal and surrender. But for its implementation, sufficient maturity of the personality is necessary, although he himself, in turn, contributes to its further development.

“Respect the kids!” One of the main conditions for the development of personality is a serious attitude towards oneself as a person from a very early age, and this is impossible without a serious and respectful attitude towards the child on the part of significant adults. When the boys, who later became outstanding poets, scientists and public figures in Russia, came to the Tsarskoye Selo Lyceum, they knew about the hopes placed on them by their teachers, and every day they felt these hopes, a serious and respectful attitude towards themselves. We believe that this greatly contributed to their rapid and complete spiritual maturation. In modern schools, not only in the primary but also in subsequent grades, students are treated in most cases without genuine interest and respect, as a result of which they have no reason to take themselves seriously.” Isn’t this largely related to the infantilization of the younger generations with all its consequences?.. Meanwhile, teacher and writer E. A. Makarova, who is involved in the artistic education of children, noticed that those children who, along with the general education school, are seriously engaged in something else (music, visual arts, sports) at home, in clubs or special schools, or if they are deeply interested in some kind of science, they find themselves in a more advantageous position than others. They are psychologically more stable, they have a higher level of self-sufficiency, their development is more harmonious, and they mature spiritually faster. A significant role in this seems to be played by a serious and interested attitude towards a person as a creative and potentially promising person. From this it should be concluded that it is necessary to change the very style of relations between teacher and student, between parents and children. It is no coincidence that this idea was voiced in A. M. Gorky’s play “At the Lower Depths”: “We especially need to respect children... children! Children need space! Don’t interfere with the children’s lives... Respect the children!”
However, the significance of cognitive interest goes far beyond the educational process. In the triune task of learning, mental development and personality education, interest is the connecting link between its three sides. It is thanks to interest that both knowledge and the process of acquiring it can become a driving force in the development of intelligence and an important factor in the education of a comprehensively developed personality. In particular, the famous Soviet psychologist A. N. Leontyev spoke about the great influence of interest on the development of intelligence, confirming his thought with the words of L. Feuerbach: “What the heart is open to cannot be a secret to the mind.”

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If a child deliberately avoids the company of his peers or has no friends in kindergarten or school, one should not panic, but at the same time one should not ignore the current situation.

Reluctance to communicate with peers may be due to external reasons

In some cases, “non-standard” behavior may be a manifestation of the child’s personality, which is quite natural for introverts. In other cases, the child’s isolation and inability/unwillingness to communicate is associated with external reasons that must be identified and eliminated. The task of parents is to find out what is the limiting factor for a particular child.

Introvert: a special perception of friendship

According to the type of temperament, all people are divided into sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric and melancholic. But there is another division - depending on how a person replenishes his spiritual energy.

Some people, called extroverts, need an external source for energy replenishment - communication with other people. But an introvert draws strength from himself. Introverted children do not like fuss and noisy companies; they prefer silence and solitude. There are much fewer introverts than extroverts - according to experts, no more than 30%, so their behavior is considered “non-standard”. Take a closer look at your child. If a child avoids large companies and often “withdraws” into himself, is not inclined to communicate, is vulnerable and touchy, prefers quiet fiddling with his toys instead of active games with other children, most likely an introvert is growing up in your family.

Psychologists strongly advise against trying to “stimulate” such a child. Do not impose unnecessary communication on him, do not drag him by force to the playground with other children - such treatment can make the baby withdraw into himself.

At the same time, parents need to try to figure out whether the child’s behavior is exclusively introversion, or whether there is additional shyness. What's the difference?

Shyness: why you need to get rid of it

Uncommunicative because he is shy - this is often the opinion of adults whose children do not make contact either with their peers or with adults. Why is excessive shyness a disadvantage that should be overcome?

All people are shy about something from time to time - this is a “universal” property inherent in everyone. But if for some it manifests itself in exceptional cases (at a doctor’s appointment, when meeting a person with whom we sympathize), then others suffer from it constantly. For example: a child is embarrassed to approach his peers during a street walk or is afraid to raise his hand in class, although he knows the answer. Your task is to help him overcome the discomfort of communication, because pathological shyness promises many problems in the future:

• the baby will suffer from criticism from peers - too shy children are often teased and ignored;
• due to constant doubts, worries and negative emotions, a shy child develops anxiety, neuroses, depression, etc.;
• it is difficult for a shy child to reach his potential in childhood and it is problematic to achieve professional and career success (difficulties begin in kindergarten);
• in the future, difficulties may arise when starting a family (shy people often remain single or enter into an unsuccessful marriage), etc.

The child does not know how to communicate with peers: reasons

You are sure that the child is not an introvert at all, he is not at all against establishing communications with other people, but he is not succeeding. Help him.

It is best to start developing socialization skills in the sandbox. While some kids boldly enter into conversation and play group games, others are quite sensitive to any attempts at communication. If such a reaction is observed constantly, the child requires increased attention.

• Experts are confident that uncontrollable embarrassment and shyness in children can be noticed as early as two years of age. At this age, the baby avoids people in any way (hides behind his parents) and friendly company.

Such children are characterized by increased excitability, they rarely laugh (especially in the presence of strangers) and often get offended for no reason. At the same time, psychologists assure that up to about 10 years of age, adults can influence the development of a little person’s personality; the main thing is to find the source of the problem and act purposefully. If you realize it already in adolescence, it will be very difficult to instill communication skills.

What can cause shyness and problems with social development?

1. Excessive shyness and, as a result, unsociability develop as a defensive reaction, for example, if a child has congenital physical defects that make him feel inferior.

The behavior of parents is of great importance. In a family with an authoritarian upbringing, children fear anger for any action. They do not know what to expect from strangers, so they prefer to minimize external contacts, and as they grow up, they retain this habit.

2. Limitation of the child’s social circle by the parents. Some adults themselves, consciously or forcedly, limit their child’s circle of acquaintances from early childhood, and children, growing up next to the same mother, grandmother or nanny, do not receive the skills to communicate with other people.

3. We must not forget about neurological problems. If a child constantly has a headache, increased/constant fatigue, and problems sleeping, then he simply does not want to communicate with more active and healthy children. In such cases, consultation with a neurologist is required.

4. Behavioral problems. If some children are completely sincere and uncontrollably timid in front of other people, then there are those who are capricious, demonstrating their stubbornness. Moreover, temporary stubbornness can over time develop into a permanent habit and pattern of behavior. Socialization problems also arise in self-centered children who want everyone to obey their will. In turn, egocentrism usually develops as a result of excessive care from loved ones.

5. Difficulties with communication skills occur in children who have problems with mental development. Impaired memory and attention interfere with socio-psychological adaptation in the same way as various complications of mental development.

1. 7. Delayed social development. As a child grows up, he must go through several stages - from independent play to team interaction with peers, which involves the distribution of roles. Children usually reach the last stage at 4–6 years of age. If even at this age the baby has not learned to play with his peers, perhaps he was delayed at some stage. The reasons why the baby “does not grow up” may be:

   • long-term illnesses (when the child is in the hospital for a long time);
   • worries about the birth of other children in the family (the baby suffers due to lack of attention);
   • excessive busyness (this occurs when parents want to raise a child prodigy: due to the fact that children study a lot, they do not have enough time for traditional children's games that allow them to master communication skills).

What to do if the child is uncommunicative?

As we can see, there are many reasons for a child’s lack of necessary social skills.

Help your child overcome shyness and become more sociable!

Parents can try to cope with some of them themselves, while others should seek professional help (in particular, if the problem is related to mental trauma or neurological diseases). Anyway:

• There is no need to remind the child about his problem so that he does not develop an inferiority complex.
• Assess the situation in the family and make sure that all conditions for normal life have been created for the baby.
• Encourage your child to try to express his or her opinions. Teach him to take part in household chores, show him that his opinion is important.
• Unobtrusively help a shy child overcome his shyness and make friends. Invite other children to your home and don’t leave the kids on their own - try playing with three or five of them. Teach children to meet new people and make friends.
• Take a close look to see if your child has anything that sets him apart from his peers (a shy child doesn’t need extra attention). Maybe the wrong speech or clothes? Eliminate the cause of the rejection.
• When mastering and correcting communication skills, experts advise paying attention to special games and trainings that are developed by experienced psychologists.

In some cases, in addition to psychological methods, children may be recommended to take medications that help improve cognitive abilities and cope with increased anxiety and excitability. For this purpose, the doctor may prescribe Tenoten for Children for young children (from 3 years old).

They are obedient, most of all they love to be near their mother, and they feel quite good in the company of other adults. They clearly like staying at home more than going out. And if they have to go outside, they usually avoid the sandbox and take their mother away from the playgrounds.

Sometimes a mother honestly brings her child to the playground, but he does not show any enthusiasm, is afraid of the noise of the children's crowd and clings to his mother's saving knee. Other children quickly take away the toys prepared for acquaintance from the newcomer, and he, as if enchanted, looks at them without doing anything.

"Well, okay! These children are bad and aggressive! Let’s get out of here, baby,” is the first line of mother’s behavior. Second: “Something is wrong. My child doesn’t communicate well, I need to do something about it. Maybe it’s time to see a specialist?” However, not even all psychologists share parental anxiety. Often, after testing the child using a wide variety of methods, they report: “You, mommy, are worrying in vain. “Everything is fine with your baby, intelligence is normal (and sometimes even higher than normal).”
And really, is there a problem here? Is it really necessary for a child to communicate with peers?

Why do children need to communicate?

The child receives his first social experiences in the family. By the way, often in our enlightened age, parents, carried away by new-fangled theories of early development, forget about simple games, like “okay”, “peek-a-boo”, and the simplest game plots. But our ancestors, who left us these simple amusements as a legacy, were wise. It is emotional games and emotional communication that are most important at this age for the further development of the child. Have you seen a person in our society who cannot read? If you do not take into account the social lower classes, then there are very few of them. Have you ever met people who find it difficult to communicate? Yes, every second person has problems with communication!

Of course, in the cradle the baby does not need to constantly be in contact with peers. For now, his parental company is enough for him. But after one and a half to two years, his world expands. And the further he goes, the more he will need both contacts and conflicts with other children.

The first experience of relationships largely determines how a person will build them in the future, how he will relate to himself and the people around him. After all, only when communicating with each other can children show vivid emotions, scream to their heart’s content, laugh, and finally get angry. They learn to get out of conflict situations themselves, make peace and join a new game. An adult, from the height of his authority, sets strict rules in relations with a child. And children, communicating with each other, each time find a non-standard solution, because the behavior of their peers is unpredictable.

But why do some children easily make contact, while others find it extremely difficult to do so?

Narrow circle...

If a child spends all his time alone with his mother (grandmother, nanny, etc.), then there is a feeling that he “doesn’t need anyone else.” Unfortunately, my mother often supports this illusion. It’s so nice to realize that there is a small helpless creature who needs you vitally... Sometimes this feeling is described with the words: “I feel it like myself.” Psychologists call this relationship symbiotic; mother and child, as during pregnancy, feel like one organism.

In this case, it is very difficult for the mother to let go of the grown chick from under her warm wing. And yet it must be done, because he will not be able to spend the rest of his life under it.

By the way, a curious thing was noticed. When the child’s social circle is too narrow (the mother is sad at the playgrounds, there are not enough friends, there are rarely guests in the house), a quiet and docile child, finding himself in the company of his peers, suddenly begins to fight. But the thing is that he simply does not know how to communicate differently. He knows perfectly well how to make a request to an adult, how to show his interest, but he simply has no idea what to do with a peer.

• Try to gradually expand your social circle (both yours and your children’s). After all, such problems usually arise when the mother herself is somewhat withdrawn. In this case, personal example is the best way to “bring the baby into the world.”
• Take your child to new places more often. It is not at all necessary that these places be crowded (quite the contrary: large crowds of people do not contribute to close communication). And it is in a large group that a child may feel most uncomfortable. After all, often a child is afraid not so much of communication as of aggression and loud screams. For example, when such a child first enters kindergarten, it is very difficult for him to endure the noise and screams of a large children's group. He seems to switch off, spin around, sing songs to himself, trying not to notice anyone next to him.
• Try to make family friends, as the unforgettable Gosha from “Moscow That Doesn’t Believe in Tears” used to say. Choose a calm, non-aggressive “classmate” who is most attractive to your heir. Invite him to visit, come visit yourself. And gradually try to organize children's play. Your “non-contact child” will feel more confident on his own territory.
• Psychologist Maria Ryakhovskaya, an employee of the Education in Development center, advises : “If at first your son or daughter does not want to join the game, start playing with another child yourself. Just don’t need to demonstratively oppose the children: “Since you don’t want to play, that means I’ll only do it with Vanya”! Let your baby calmly watch the action. He will watch as long as he needs. And then at some point he himself will want to take part in such an interesting activity.”

How good I am!

Communication difficulties often arise in children who grew up with a tight grip. Such children are often scolded and given little praise. From early childhood they must(understand, do, know, be able to – underline as necessary). These demands are almost always too high, and as a result, the child withdraws into himself, because only when he is alone with himself does he not hear constant shouting and does not receive further confirmation of his failure. And how a person evaluates himself is how he is perceived in society. The higher the level of anxiety and the lower the self-esteem, the less accepted the child is in the children's company. To any proposal to do something, such a child has a ready answer: “I can’t!” In fact, “I can’t” means “I need your help.”

Strategy and tactics of your actions

• Don't be shy about praising your child as often as possible. Especially in society.
• Before you give your child any task, first give him a task of the same type, but one that is obviously easy and which he can definitely handle. Notice how well the child did it! The next stage is a slightly more difficult task and always with your support: “I know you can definitely do it. Think a little more about how best to do this.”
• To take the initiative in the game, you need to be able to play and know how it’s done. Teach your son or daughter new games, and show some new plot twist, unusual move, etc. in old ones. His success among his peers will certainly increase!

Behind the glass

This is the most complex version of the “non-contact child”. He is so withdrawn that it is as if he is separating himself with a glass wall from the outside world. In psychology, this condition is called EDA - early childhood autism (from the Greek word autos - self, so autism is self-absorption). Psychiatrists diagnose autism in the first year of life, and sometimes at the age of two or three years.

RDA is not so rare: from 4 to 15 cases per 10,000 children, and more often in boys than in girls. This disease has several striking signs, which, unfortunately, parents often mistake for character traits and do not pay special attention to them. And, if this is the only child in the family, parents simply have nothing to compare their child’s behavior with.

Such a child does not cause problems, does not cause unnecessary trouble, he is again comfortable - he sits in a corner all the time: he either moves the cubes from place to place, or carries the car back and forth. Five times. Ten. One hundred. And one is not afraid to stay, but, on the contrary, loves very much.
And only when such a child gets into a children's group, it becomes clear that he is very different from other children.

What behavioral features should parents be wary of?

1. The child does not strive to communicate in any way. Even in infancy, he does not rejoice at his mother, does not perk up when she appears.
2. When he is picked up, he does not readily extend his arms, does not try to grab the adult’s neck in response, but hangs like a sack of flour.
3. The baby does not like to make eye contact. Instead, he looks as if through people.
4. Such children develop speech late and difficult. They are able to monotonously repeat the same phrase many times. They repeat the same actions, they can sway for a long time, shake a rattle, clap their palms, etc.
5. Autistic people have a special gait: sometimes on tiptoe, sometimes skipping. The usual expression on their faces is thoughtful detachment.

Strategy and tactics of your actions

• Psychologist Maria Ryakhovskaya recommends: “If you notice any signs of autism in your child, show him to a neuropsychiatrist. He will send the baby for an electroencephalogram. After it, the diagnosis of autism can be made or removed with complete certainty. If the diagnosis is confirmed, do not panic under any circumstances. Your child is not crazy! This disease is completely correctable. However, be prepared to work together for a long time with a psychologist.”
• It is very important for a little autistic person to get out of the world of his dreams into the real, today. Therefore, involve him in household chores, give him simple tasks, teach him to help the weaker. It’s great if he helps you take care of your “smaller brothers” (and it’s better to choose not fish or turtles, but someone warm and fluffy - a puppy, kitten, or hamster). These animals are capable of evoking a lively emotional response and becoming an object of concern: “we are responsible for those we have tamed.”

Step forward

Children's first contacts are often aggressive - kids take away each other's toys, hit their "colleagues in Easter cake construction" in the head with shovels. Such a debut in the sandbox does not at all mean that these kids will always communicate only aggressively, this is only the first and simplest form of communication.

At the same time, the emergence of aggression is an important stage in the development of communication. The child begins to understand the concept of “mine is someone else’s”; he tries to stand up for himself, take the initiative into his own hands, and be active.

For example, Verochka has always been a non-contact child. And suddenly, at the age of five, she became aggressive towards other children. This scared the parents and they turned to a psychologist. However, the aggression turned out to be a transition to a qualitatively new stage in the development of the Faith. The child became more active, began to notice children, paying attention to them in this still primitive way.

There are children who are open, sociable, and talkative, but there are also those who stay away and avoid contact with other children. If your baby belongs to the second category and, upon arriving at the playground, stands on the sidelines, or hides altogether and does not want to participate in the general fun, then it is worth looking into this issue and helping the child socialize.

A child’s desire for loneliness often causes anxious thoughts among parents; they begin to suffer from questions: “What are we doing wrong?”, “What is the psychological problem?”

Psychologists unanimously say that for the age group of 2-3 years, a state of alienation from peers can be common. During this period, the baby's closest friends are his parents and closest relatives. At home he has everything he needs for personal development and his needs for communication and games are satisfied. Therefore, not communicating with peers is completely justified.

The very first experience of communicating with people provides the basis for further relationships in society. It is important for a child not only to be able to speak, but also to express his emotions: scream, laugh, get angry, see the reactions of others. Children's behavior is difficult to predict, and this allows the child to look for solutions and approaches to communication. It is in relationships with peers that the child learns to find a way out of conflicts, defend himself, and reconcile.

By the age of 4-5 years, children begin to actively take an interest in others, get involved in common games, communicate and get to know each other. If by this age your child remains a loner, it is worth identifying the reasons for this behavior.

Character.

A child may be introverted and shy by nature. Such kids hide behind their mother, shyly say hello, and don’t even like to talk in public. It is difficult to deceive nature, but openness and courage can be instilled gradually.

Lack of ability to communicate and express emotions.

The child may simply not have been taught to communicate. If it is not customary in the family to share opinions and experiences, and the parents themselves are introverts, then it is difficult to expect different behavior from the child. That’s why it’s so important to find time to talk and play actively with your baby.

Showing leadership.

The child may simply not want to obey the general rules of the game, be on the sidelines among his peers, or adapt to the majority. However, even in the younger groups of kindergarten, several leaders already stand out, setting the rules of behavior and games.

Experience.

The child may accumulate negative experiences with peers. He could have been offended or hit. Perhaps he was in the company of children of very different ages, so he either did not understand their games and conversations, or he was bored in communicating with younger children.

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Restrictions.

The child may have been deliberately restricted from communicating with children. “He will only bring illnesses from the kindergarten, let him stay at home,” “What children are there in the house, it’s already a headache,” “There is so much cleaning after the children” - these are the arguments parents find and, without knowing it, they are raising a savage. Meanwhile, the baby goes deep into himself or spends time watching TV and other gadgets, and this does not at all contribute to socialization.

If you have decided on the reason for your child’s alienation, proceed to active action.

Your child is shy - correct this character trait: praise him more often for results and help, encourage expressions of individuality. Don’t get tired of repeating how wonderful, smart, capable and loved he is. Support works wonders.

Let your home be open to guests, invite your child’s friends, organize celebrations, holidays and themed parties yourself. Talk more and take an interest in your baby’s affairs, because even minor little things can be very important for him. Not a single problem of a child can become nonsense for you; what is important to him should be important to you.

Try to enroll your child in a club, section, or group classes. Teach your child to communicate, play out the rules of dating and politeness. Participate in collective games yourself, be their organizer.

If your child does not yet go to kindergarten, visit places where children walk and play more often; during the cold season, go to entertainment centers. Pay attention to the development of your child, whether a children's company is suitable for him, because even among peers, children who are more developed than others can stand out. Such kids are simply not interested in being with others.

It is important for parents to understand that communication only with them is not enough for a little person. To ensure a child’s normal psychological development, it is important to help him establish relationships with peers. While the child is still small, this is much easier to do, because he has not yet fully formed ideas about correct communication.