Does love appear over time. Immature “love.” Marriage doesn't start out crazy

There is no more popular theme in television and film than love. Soap operas are full of "romantic love." This theme is also popular in songs. We are constantly haunted by the idea that love is the only thing that matters.

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Most people think about romantic love something like this: “Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes out of nowhere and immediately takes over you completely, like measles. You will recognize it intuitively. If it is a real feeling, you will not have to wonder for long. You will see it, without a doubt "Love is so important that you must give up everything for the sake of it. A man can be forgiven for leaving his wife for the sake of love, a woman can be forgiven for leaving her house and children, a king can be forgiven for leaving his throne. It comes completely unexpectedly, and you can't do anything. It is not subject to man."

But this is NOT true love! Real love is not like that.

Infatuation really comes out of the blue and you can't do anything about it. But true love is devoted and selfless love. This is what she is holding on to. You might be wondering why you need to know the difference between infatuation and love? The reason is this: knowing the differences will prevent you from making a huge mistake. Every year, millions of sparkling-eyed couples come to church and solemnly vow to love each other for the rest of their lives. For some of them, marriage truly becomes an invaluable acquisition. For others, he is simply tolerable. But for half of these couples, marriage becomes a real disaster. After a short period of time, they begin to understand that they absolutely cannot stand living together. What's the matter?

The difference is that some couples base their marriage on true love, while others base their marriage on infatuation, which is false love. Such marriages do not last long.

How can you tell the difference? During the Gold Rush, many prospectors thought they had "struck a vein." But later, to their great disappointment, they found out that their find was not real gold, but the worthless mineral pyrite. Pyrite is very similar in appearance to gold, but has no value. It is also called "fool's gold".

As we said before, it is NOT easy to tell the difference between infatuation and true love. In his book "Sex, love or infatuation - how to determine it?" Dr. Ray Short gives some key tips to help a person explore their feelings and determine whether they are true love gold or fool's gold - mere infatuation.

We'll look at 12 of these keys, but first let us point out the following: (1) The order of the keys does not matter. Each of them has the same meaning as the others. (2) These keys should not be selectively accepted. You have to take all 12 into account!

Key #1 What attracts you most.

Enthusiasm: When you're infatuated, you're more likely to be more interested in the other person's physical attributes. A beautiful face and a good figure are, of course, very attractive qualities, but appearances can be deceiving. It is like the wrapping paper in which a gift is wrapped. It cannot be used to judge what exactly is inside. Moreover, physical beauty is not eternal. Dr. Short says: "Of the dozen school meetings I attended as a young man, I remember only one. 'Young people!' - the speaker said solemnly. “Before you marry a girl because of her pretty face and attractive curves, think about what she will look like at 30.” And that stopped me” ?

Real love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the personality of your chosen one as a whole. Surely, physical attraction will also be present in your feelings, but only along with many other qualities that are attractive to you.

Key #2 How many different qualities attract you to this person?

Enthusiasm: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can greatly influence you. A guy can go crazy with his girlfriend's smiles or sexy walk.

Real love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in another person. Each of us has many characteristics, our own judgments and attitudes. How many characteristics do you notice in another, and how many of them do you find attractive? This is important because once the initial excitement of marriage wears off, you will need many common interests to keep the marriage going and make it successful.

Key #3 How did it start?

Enthusiasm: Infatuation arises quickly. There is no such thing as true love at first sight, but there can be infatuation at first sight. As one love song says, “the eyes of the lovers met in the crowd, lightning flashed, and they immediately realized that they were made for each other.” All they could really understand was that they had made a good first impression on each other.

Real love: True love always comes slowly. Otherwise it can not be. You have to get to know a person before you can really love them, and that takes time, a lot of time, to really get to know someone. Long-term courtship is much better than short-term courtship. A year is better than six months, two years is better than one, three years is better than two, and four is better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, the statistics on this subject are absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to get married and from their own experience they are convinced of the validity of the old saying: “If you rush, you will make people laugh.” If you get married too hastily, you will have plenty of time later to regret it.

Key #4 How consistent is your interest?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, your interest flares up and then fades away. One reason for this is that infatuation occurs too quickly and therefore the roots are not deep. And in general, your relationship is superficial.

Real love: When you truly love, your feelings will be warm and tender rather than fluctuating from ardent passion to cold indifference, they will be more constant. True love grows slowly, but its roots run deep.

Key #5 How does feeling affect you?

Enthusiasm: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings completely take over you, and you walk around, immersed in dreams. The girl who says, "I know he has flaws, but nothing matters except our love" is infatuated... TEMPORARILY! Once married, she will eventually discover that many other things still matter.

Real love: When your love is genuine, your best qualities come out and you strive to become even better. A guy who really loves says about his girlfriend: “I love her not only because she is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show my best qualities.”

Key #6 How do you treat others?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, for you the whole “universe” revolves around one person. The rest of your relationships seem completely unimportant to you. You are even ready to reject family and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. It is the only thing that matters to you from now on. You think that for the sake of this amazing “love” that has entered your life, you can be forgiven for doing any actions. As we've said before, most hobbies don't last, but the mistakes you make while under the influence often have lifelong consequences.

Real love: When you truly love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world to you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their importance.

Key #7 How do others view your relationship?

Enthusiasm: What others think of your “lover” is a very important test. When you're in love, it's likely that your parents and many of your friends won't approve of the relationship. One of the dangerous aspects of infatuation is that you tend to idolize the other person. You don't see flaws because you are "blinded by love." Your friends try to point out some red flags, but you ignore them. Your parents lovingly warn you, trying to prevent you from making a big mistake, but you don't listen. Young people sometimes say: “So what? We’re marrying each other, not our family and friends.” You can also adhere to this position, but it is unforgivable stupidity to neglect the advice of people who love you. Over the years of your life, both you and your loved one have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those we choose as friends; they become like us. Therefore, your friends are, in a sense, your “mirror”. If you're passionate about someone, your friends often don't share the same feelings. If they see red flags, you should pay attention and listen to their opinion.

Real love: When you truly love, there is a greater chance that your parents and most of your friends will approve of your choice. For God to bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.

Key No. 8 How do breakups affect?

Enthusiasm: One of the best tests for feeling is the test of distance. If you are simply infatuated, then time and distance will kill your feeling, “This also explains the breakups of those couples whose main interest was physical attractiveness. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the beloved, who remains only in the photograph.

Real love: When you truly love, the absence of your loved one only exacerbates your feeling. True love will definitely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him entirely as a person. Time spent together helps you grow together. Therefore, during separation, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart. Being at a distance, of course, you may experience anxiety and sadness. You will be worried about the thought: “What if he (or she) meets someone else?” And this can happen. But if your loved one is capable of finding happiness with someone else, then it is better to find out about this before, rather than after, marriage. Therefore, if you are facing separation, accept it and do not worry. If your feeling is only infatuation, and it will not withstand such a test, it is better to find out before it is too late.

Key #9 How do disagreements affect feelings?

Enthusiasm: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can make peace, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like. two porcupines in the cold. When they are apart, they shake from the cold, but as soon as they press against each other, they prick each other with their needles. "Phil and Alice dated for more than two years. During this time they quarreled and made up at least once a month. Discord arose over any trifle or imaginary offense. Both acted out terrible jealousy. And then Maria, Alice's best friend, tried to open up to them eyes. Once Alice shared with her the details of the latest quarrel and threatened: “Let him just try to get me back! I won’t even talk to him!” “I think you will, Alice,” Maria said softly to her, “but I hope that you will firmly tell him: “Goodbye, Phil, it’s all over.” And then she explained her position to her surprised friend: “You both bring out the worst in each other. You quarrel because you have nothing else to talk about. Strife, tears and romantic “reconciliations” only relieve you of boredom.

Real love: When you truly love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them, and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Every couple must learn to resolve conflicts. It is much better to discuss differences openly and honestly than to let them fester in the back of your mind.

Key #10 How do you view your relationships?

Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, you tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: “I”, “me”, “mine”, “he”, “his”, or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals.

Real love: When you really love, you usually use the words: “we”, “our”, “us”. You think of you as one. This key may not seem so important when you are just dating, but it is of great importance in marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, husband and wife may find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in joint activities. The husband may yearn and want to “go out with friends” more than spending time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her social connections than in her household responsibilities. In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together. A common response here is: "I don't want to go if you can't go too."

Key #11 Are you selfish or selfless?

Enthusiasm: When you are infatuated, your interest in the other person is mainly selfish. A guy can date a beautiful and noticeable girl only because it flatters his pride and raises his prestige. She may be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. In the same way, a girl can keep a guy “on a leash” not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her value in the eyes of others.

Real love: When you really love, you like a person for what he is, and not because he can help you assert yourself.

Key #12 What is the basis of your feelings?

Enthusiasm: Is your goal to find someone who will completely dedicate their life to making you happy? Do you take care of yourself first? If yes, then you are just infatuated. Your general attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from this relationship.

Real love: Love is selfless and devoted. You strive to do whatever it takes to bring joy to others. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not what you can receive.

* * *

Evaluate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys, starting with the first one. Give an assessment of your feelings for each of them. If you want, the keys can show not only whether your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feeling. In most cases, the clues show a mixture of infatuation and true love. Therefore, rate each key on a ten-point scale. Zero will mean infatuation, and 10 will mean love. For example, when looking at clue #1, you might decide, “To be completely honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I'll give myself two points.” If, when examining key No. 7, you see that approximately half of your friends approve of your choice, and half do not, then give yourself five points. When you rate yourself on all twelve keys, add up your points. An overall score of 80 or higher shows that your senses are fairly reliable. For your part, you can believe that your love can become the basis for a successful marriage. But that's only on your part.

The person you love must also pass this test and score a high score. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He should experience the same feelings in return. If you score between 50 and 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship develops. If the points scored are less than 50, you are just carried away. So try to save your heart. First of all, do not complicate your relationship with sexual intimacy and do not rush into marriage.

Also note the following: A high score on this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. First of all, you may still be too young for marriage, even if you have scored a lot of points. Secondly, even if you are the right age, you may simply not know each other well yet. As we have already said, you need to know each other well for at least two years before you think about marriage.

What is true love like?

Maybe when a nice guy, after meeting you recently, gives you a fancy mobile phone for your birthday? You are crazy about such an act, and you will definitely tell all your friends what a wonderful boyfriend you have. And, of course, he comes to every meeting with you with a magnificent bouquet of roses. Romantic, to say the least...

But in response to his not entirely timely offer to go to privacy, you say in confusion: “Maybe we’ll wait?..” After all, so little time has passed before intimacy, you thought. And another thought was also not far behind: after all, all my girlfriends had already tried this; but being a virgin is not fashionable, so what will my boyfriend think?

It seems that the first thought is more correct, because... true love comes with time. Trials strengthen feelings and love grows, but only if it is not a passing infatuation. And if so, to brag to oneself or others: “As everyone else, so am I, but why, in fact, lag behind.” Besides, this is all grandma’s method and her stale fairy tales; now is a different time and different morals.

But no, nothing like that! Then it turns out exactly as my grandmother (mother) said: “Wait, take a closer look, and if your young man really loves you (not for a fashionable hairstyle, fashionable slang and the ability to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day like a locomotive), then your friendly relations, when you BOTH want a family, children - and there is a continuation and manifestation of your TRUE love. Wait, otherwise it will be bad for you.”

A girl who knows her worth will adorn herself with modesty in clothes, in words, in behavior. This is what will attract the boy of her dreams to her. “After all, she is not like everyone else, she is special!” - your prince, who will be ready to do anything for his princess, will say, if not out loud, then certainly to himself. Just like she does for him, which together gives sacrificial love - real love, when people value each other so much that they are afraid to offend even with a sharp glance.

Not a second desire to get to know each other better in the most primitive way, and then wonder why I ended up among his next simpletons... yes, simpletons, because an intelligent and self-respecting girl will not sell herself for a phone, for a bouquet of flowers, and for... that he dances so well at the local disco. All these are not at all indicators of a serious relationship, not signs of love.

It’s clear that you want to show your best sides, but these are the best sides that manifest themselves over time. Just like the worst ones - you need to know them too. You may say: well, how tired of you and your “time” are, and what should I wait until I’m old? And I will answer that it is better to wait. And if this person is truly destined for you, then your love will not go anywhere, and time will indeed better allow you to understand and get to know each other.

Most women now live under the slogan: “Less things on the body, war paint on the face, and a man in bed!” It’s funny to think about, and this is the standard of beauty in modern life! Complete pornography. After all, everything that is easily accessible quickly and easily becomes uninteresting and quickly needs to be replaced. And you want to be a replacement?

The strength of passion is what should determine whether people marry each other or not.

IN FACT:

It is a myth. Many young people think that a family begins with crazy love, and they expect such a feeling. Passion in such relationships boils over...

When everything starts with passion, with ardor, it rarely reaches family and love. The strongest family is the one in which the relationship began not with crazy passion, but with friendship, which later grew into love.

True love comes over time when the wife develops humility towards her husband and the husband develops respect for his wife. Then family relationships become quiet and calm. Why do we want it to be once and for all? Stability and certainty are important for a person. When there is stability in family relationships, there is peace in the soul and then there is quiet happiness and joy. And then, it seems that “Women’s happiness - if only a sweetheart were nearby, but nothing else is needed.” This is what I want.

For me, crazy passion is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Based on my experience, I think that you should enter into marriage with not crazy passion, but light love. I believe that at the time of marriage, the best feeling is a state of calm, rational love. When you love a person, you are interested in him, and this is a prerequisite for marriage. You understand that you cannot live without this person. How it happened for me.

First you look at a person, and a spark arises in you. You realize that you like him. You begin to communicate closer. When you communicate, you compare your life platforms, find out what your views are on different things in this life: marriage, music, church, politics, books. You compare how similar your views are.

How can you check whether there is love or not? A loved one for me is not an object of adoration and worship. It's a friend. The person you love and with whom you are going to live should be, first of all, your best friend. Then you can solve all the problems together.

They say that it is the strength of passion that should determine whether people marry each other or not.

Just “crazy” passion is not the best adviser in an action that will determine the whole future life and therefore requires serious thought. Passion will pass rather quickly, but what will be left after it? Astonishment! “How insidious he is, he pretended to be a decent person, but in real life he turned out to be...” Few people remember that passion turned off their own mind.

Humanity also knows other criteria for determining whether a person is suitable for you. Someone smart said that “when choosing a wife, you need to understand that you are not taking this particular woman, but her with her entire family, with her past, with her attitudes, with those ideas (including spiritual ones) that her family believed the only possible ones."

There was an ancient wisdom: if you want to know your wife better, look at her mother. It really wouldn’t be a bad idea to get to know your family, since your chosen one was raised in this environment. On what principles was he raised (and whether there were these principles), is he ready to grow as a person, as a person - these are the questions the answers to which should not be overshadowed by passion.

MARRIAGE DOESN'T START WITH MADNESS

It is unlikely that passion can be the key to a strong, stable family. The very definition of passion suggests that it is not normal. Its property is to pass quickly. It rises quickly in such large waves, splashes, and it passes just as quickly.

Passion is a disease, so it cannot be beneficial. Think about it - “mad love”. That is, love is crazy. We don't use our reason. And marriage, paradoxically, is something of convenience.

In family psychology there is such a thing as readiness for marriage. This is a whole complex of components and criteria that leads a person to the point that he can start a family with this person. People are sometimes afraid that being ready for marriage is too difficult. But in reality there should be a standard. There is no need to be scared here. We just have to know what to strive for. This is just one of the series of conscious approaches to marriage. If this is not the case, a person begins to move by touch, stumbles, and makes many mistakes.

What are these components? This is sympathy when you say “I like him (she).” Secondly, this is a commonality of interests when we understand that we love the same music, like watching the same programs, reading the same literature, going out into nature, kayaking. And the more of these components on the scale, the more attractive a person is to us.

Then there are deeper things that also need to be taken into account. It is necessary to look at the family, who the person’s parents are. Most often, people project the parental script into the family. This is not to say that this is a 100% reproduction, but it is a template that many people follow.

In addition, you need to take a closer look at family relationships, whether the family is complete, how a man communicates with his mother and father. If something doesn’t work out for him in the relationship, see how he reacts to your comments, whether he can be flexible and listen to your opinion.

You can also see whether a person has many or few friends, find out whether he thinks that we are self-sufficient and we feel good just the two of us. You can't concentrate on each other for long. It happens that he is jealous of his girlfriend’s friends and tries to scare everyone away. Maybe he has communication problems. Then this is a serious reason to think about it. See if he is trying to isolate you, if he is jealous of his friends.

During communication, watch him and yourself. How you behave when you are together, how quickly you are able to reconcile. This is a big rehearsal for your future serious relationship.

We also need to pay attention to the state of health. A woman came to me, who was already about 28-29 years old. It was a discovery for her after a year of marriage that her husband was unwell. Time passed and she learned about his mental deviation. He says: “He was soft and compliant.” I asked her to name the character traits that a man should have, she listed them in this order: he should be soft, kind, compliant. Can a woman feel protected when getting married, knowingly incorrectly ranking a number of the main qualities of her chosen one? Unlikely. Women who prioritize such important qualities as: responsibility, masculinity, hard work, etc. are more likely to find themselves next to the owner of such characteristics. This means that the choice of a spouse was not conscious and did not have a serious approach, because due attention was not paid to such serious factors as: the presence of good health and significant human qualities.

It is good to maintain friendly relations for at least a period of one year. This will be a change of events, seasons (autumn and spring are the most acute periods for the nervous system). During this time, all character traits may appear or worsen and mental disorders may become apparent. A year is a defining period. During this period, you can collect information about each other. Find out whether he wants children, how many he wants, who will wash the floors or dishes...

We need to talk about everything! You always need to talk through problems. Questions need to be posed to yourself and to the person with whom you are in a relationship. We can say that this is the most important period in your relationship. Then only the consequences of your choice will appear. And this is where it is important not to misfire, not to make a mistake. It is necessary to assess the ability of both of you to perform all the functions of husband and wife in the family.

The family has several functions: reproductive (reproduction of children), economic (budget distribution), household (everyone performs a functional responsibility: someone pays money for the apartment, someone vacuums). That is, who takes what share in building a family. Construction is a seemingly small aspect of family life. In addition, there is a psychological function: they take care of each other, give warmth, understanding.

Another function is educational. As a rule, men believe that this is the wife’s lot, her front line of work. But the participation of the father is also necessary. Mom sometimes gets hot-tempered when doing the same homework. Father's participation is missing...

Creative function. At the beginning of a relationship, before the romanticism cools down, they go to the cinema and come up with activities. Then all this stops and is confined to work and home. Everything is boring, bland, monotonous. Leisure is also very important, being able to spend time together. By the way, at the premarital stage of a relationship, you need to watch the behavior of the young man: how he behaves, whether he willingly pays for you. I heard a story from one girl that it was February, and a young man took her along the boulevard, back and forth. She hints at donuts, and he suggests they go home.

You have to look closely at everything so that later it will be a surprise. A woman functionally strives to ensure that everyone in the family has shoes and clothes. She will demand from the man - give him this, give him that. And if he fights, talks about female commercialism, if he is afraid of this, then you are not on the way.

Two people who lived their own special lives before marriage, who already had established habits and views, who each had their own friends and acquaintances, having entered into marriage, begin to live a common life. This, of course, cannot be easy right away - it takes a lot of effort coming from love for mutual adaptation, for compliance and for the ability to find ways of life that are not burdensome for either side. When there is love in the heart, then, of course, everything becomes easier, more natural, but if there is not love, but “physiological love,” a purely sexual attraction to each other, then temporarily both parties make concessions, as if closing off everything difficult for themselves in another person - so that, waking up from the “frenzy of passion”, they experience an acute repulsion from each other.

V. Zenkovsky, archpriest, professor

Christian love is the opposite of passion. In Orthodox Christian asceticism, passion is understood as a person’s inability to overcome his baser qualities - this is what is called passion. The pure, fiery love of spouses for each other cannot be called passion. Thank God, people are not wooden, and if a husband and wife love each other, God grant that they love each other dearly. The Lord created man and woman exactly as they are, and marital intimacy is God’s gift to loving and faithful souls. This is an amazing reward that many want not to earn, not to wait for, but to steal. But they steal from themselves... They live in the frenzy of fornication, wasting themselves, snatching some crumbs of pleasure. And then, when they finally get married, it turns out that they have stolen a lot of pure, clear, untainted joy from themselves. Sometimes they will be disgusted with themselves and will poison their relationships with the dirt with which they were soiled before marriage and which inevitably transfers to relationships in the family, where there should be no dirt.

Priest Alexander Ilyashenko

If we carefully turn to the Gospel reading, which is read during the wedding, we will find the answer in the story of the marriage in Cana of Galilee. Remember that image of drinking wine? The wine at the wedding feast ran out - this is the truth, the deep truth of any married life, because as a rule, marriages begin with some kind of strong attraction, with the seduction of people by each other. This seduction passes. Sometimes for a year, sometimes for a month, sometimes for one wedding night.

A person suddenly discovers that although he has a spouse next to him, he is a very imperfect person. It seems that the wedding feast is over. Everyday life begins, instead of the wine of the wedding feast - the wine of everyday life. It seems that this is a mistake, that the person turned out to be the wrong one. There is no feeling that since God allowed this marriage, since He blessed this marriage, you need to create something with the person who was given to you, with all his imperfections. Indeed, it is difficult. Therefore, many families break up very quickly - in the first three years.

But if even then, when after a year or several years the seduction passes, there is a feeling that in front of you is not only a spouse, but also a brother or sister in Christ, you begin to learn to forgive him, learn to tolerate him, and most importantly, never forget about God, and God comes, just as He came to the wedding in Cana of Galilee. Remember, there He transformed water into wine, which seemed better than at the beginning of the wedding feast, which the architriclinus draws attention to. Indeed, when in such a tempted family life, when people already really perceive each other without deception, Christ appears - and He cannot help but appear if this family leads a church life, receives communion, prays, and is in the thought of God - a miracle occurs. The water of everyday life becomes wine, but better wine than what was in the beginning, this is that genuine love, the love of Christ, purified from vain passions and naive seduction of each other, with which it all began. Therefore, marriages do not begin with love, they end with love, if they are not destroyed along this difficult path.

Truly Christian love is the crown of marriage, the result of marriage, and not its foundation. It is no coincidence that the ceremony of a wedding resembles that of a monastic tonsure; marriage is in some way a departure from the world in the name of the creation of a small church by a specific person - this truth is quite abstract even for those who understand it, and for non-church people this does not exist at all. Why not try to create something again with another person? But as a result, nothing is created.

Archpriest Georgy Mitrofanov

From an interview with the radio station “Grad Petrov”

Learn how to create a happy family: online course

We choose our own husband or wife. However, in order to feel true love in family life, you need to get to know each other, make friends, and then fall in love.

Many people falsely consider the first candy-bouquet period to be love.

After all, as soon as the romance goes away, the rose-colored glasses fall off, the partners face the first difficulties, the first tests of the relationship. And someone thinks that love has passed.

Devotion and patience are the main qualities of love. If you decide that “love is over” in your relationship, rest assured that it has not yet begun.

These seven stages of relationships will show you why true love and true relationships come with time:

1. Candy and bouquet stage

The candy-bouquet period lasts about 18 months. Since a man and a woman, when they fall in love with each other, hormones are produced in the body that help them see the world in bright colors. During this period, everything seems amazing to them about their partner. They feel as if they are in a state of drug intoxication.

You should not make fateful decisions during this period, because the effect of this intoxication will sooner or later stop, everything will fall into place.

2. Oversaturation stage

During this period, you begin to look soberly at your relationship and your partner, the sea of ​​feelings subsides, and you gradually get used to each other. The consequence of this is a change in your behavior - you begin to behave more relaxed and natural.

3. Disgust stage

The disgust stage cannot be avoided in any long-term relationship. Quarrels and revealing each other's shortcomings are characteristic of this stage. It seems to you that the easiest way to avoid all this is separation or divorce. After breaking up, you will soon enter the candy-bouquet stage again with another person, and begin to go through the stages again until you reach this point and move on to the next one.

4. Patience stage

At this stage, partners acquire wisdom. Quarrels are no longer so dramatic, because both know that the quarrel is ending, and the relationship must continue. If both do everything to develop patience, wisdom will come to them over the years. This is the law.

5. Stage of duty or respect

This is the first stage of true love, because before this there was no love yet. Partners begin to understand their responsibilities, thinking not about what the other partner owes him, but about what he can do and give to his loved one.

6. Friendship stage

During this period, partners become very close to each other. They trust each other like their closest friends. The friendship stage opens the way to true love.

7. True love stage

It takes a very long time to find true love, going through difficult life stages and situations together. True love is not something that suddenly falls to you from the sky, as many people believe. For true, adult love, a person matures, abandoning selfishness and prejudices.