Domestic tyrant: recognize and survive. From personal experience. Family tyrant - options for family violence Domestic tyranny signs

Have you ever experienced violence in a relationship? Not with periodic quarrels and disputes, characteristic of completely normal families, but with violence, where a woman in a relationship with her chosen one constantly feels humiliated and crushed, guilty and inferior? But according to statistics, more than 30% of women in our country live in a constantly oppressed state and are regularly subjected to tyranny from their man.

But the amazing thing is that if you talk frankly with a woman who is being abused, she will quite sincerely tell you that she knows about the problem, but considers herself guilty that the relationship is developing this way. Moreover, she will justify humiliation and insults as excessive care on the part of her tyrant husband, and the desire to control every step as strong love. But what is even more tragic, having been “drawn” into this sick relationship, a woman is practically doomed to endure humiliation, insults and assault from a man for the rest of her life.

Who is a sociopath

According to medical terminology, men who enter into love relationships with emotionally dependent women and begin to abuse them, using moral and physical violence, are called the succinct word “sociopath.” Experts attribute this deviation to one of the types of psychopathy. Such men are characterized by a lack of empathy, that is, an absolute inability to sympathize with the grief of others, empathize or feel pity. Such people do not know a sense of responsibility, and a sense of duty is an empty phrase for them. At the same time, such men are able to professionally imitate any emotions, including pity and compassion, while remaining absolutely cold in their souls. On the contrary, negative manifestations such as cruelty, cynicism and increased aggression manifest themselves extremely clearly in domestic rapists, which, in fact, is what women are forced to suffer from. In addition, these people evaluate all their actions from the standpoint of profit, and therefore there is no need to talk about the presence of conscience in such men.

Since we are talking about a psychiatric diagnosis, we can say that the inner world of a social psychopath is similar to the horror of a concentration camp, with the motto “either I bend everyone, or they bend me.” Such people have no other feelings other than the burning, destructive, toxic feeling of shame. And shame is a deep-seated rejection of oneself in the face of an older and stronger tyrant, whose victims they themselves once became, and now they are trying to do the same to others.

Having studied the psychological portrait of a domestic rapist, not a single woman in her right mind would say that a sociopath is her ideal man. But then, in some incomprehensible way, women again and again fall into this psychological hook?

Indeed, the domestic tyrant does not immediately reveal his essence. On the contrary, from the moment they meet until the wedding, the relationship between a woman and a future rapist can be called nothing less than a “Garden of Eden.” The first weeks and even months of such a relationship are filled with romance; the man carries his partner in his arms, literally and figuratively. He writes poetry to her, arranges incredible surprises, and captivates her with his generosity and tact. The realization that a real tyrant and despot lives with you under the same roof comes much later, when the woman finds herself already in a deep psychological hole, from which it is almost impossible to get out! But is it possible to identify a male tormentor at the dating stage? Psychologists say that this is quite possible!

In fairness, it must be said that a female sociopath is no less a terrible phenomenon than a male sociopath. And a representative of the stronger sex, having fallen into the net of a domestic tyrant (only in the person of his wife), experiences enormous psychological pressure and suffers no less than women. And everything that describes the behavior of a male sociopath is also true for women with the same mental disorders.

9 signs of a domestic tyrant

Sign No. 1 – I haven’t loved anyone before you!

When meeting with a future domestic tormentor, you will definitely hear from him the phrase: “I never loved anyone before you!” He will convey this idea to you in a variety of ways - putting you on a pedestal, convincing you that you are an exceptional girl, kissing your hands and peering into the depths of your eyes with the languid gaze of a person who has finally fallen in love.

The future rapist will create an atmosphere of unreal, cosmic love, instilling in you that you are the only woman who managed to set his heart on fire and gave him the greatest happiness - to love and be loved. In the state of love that covers such a woman, her consciousness is simply not able to adequately assess what is happening. She simply does not listen to the warnings of close relatives and friends who sense something is wrong, and she herself does not even think about the obvious question - why, a completely handsome and charming man, having lived to adulthood, never felt love for any girl. This is not normal!

Sign No. 2 – You are the first worthy woman in his life

It is the assurance that you are a woman with high and varied merits that most often “kills outright” any doubts that it is your man in front of you. Of course, words of admiration addressed to you from a representative of the opposite sex sound sweet, but if at the same time he distinguishes you from millions of other rivals, your head will spin! Yes, for this you can give him all of yourself without regret! This, in fact, is what the future torturer is counting on. The woman, melting like April snow, doesn’t even try to “turn on her head” and think, has my chosen one really come across complete fools and greedy creatures throughout his life?

But that is not all. If a man tells you that in his entire life he has never met a more worthy woman, have you ever wondered who is more worthy? Perhaps your future chosen one values ​​himself so highly that all the girls he met along the way simply “did not reach” him? And doesn’t your man have inflated self-esteem? True, having penetrated into the very heart with his speeches and made a woman feel her uniqueness and originality, the sociopath simply does not give her the opportunity to think rationally and build such conclusions.

To be fair, let’s say that not all women fall for the sweet speeches of the future domestic tyrant. And he is well aware of this, and therefore is inclined to choose women as victims, with notes of narcissism in his soul. In his field of vision come ladies who really want to be the best in their hearts and who enjoy superiority over their less fortunate rivals in the first months of the relationship. And also, the victims of sociopaths often become deeply religious women who truly believe in the Lord, and simply do not allow the thought that God could send them a tormentor and tyrant as husbands. It is precisely such representatives of the fair sex, deprived of the instinct of self-preservation, who fall into the hands of torturers.

Sign No. 3 – You are luckier than ever!

We have already partially mentioned this sign in our article. A tyrant who lures his victim down the aisle behaves at the courtship stage like the best gentleman you have ever met on your life's path. He is always neat and smells great, listens sympathetically to your experiences and hugs, promising that from now on you will forget about all the troubles. When leaving the vehicle, he will always give you his hand, and when you meet him at the door, rest assured that in his hands is a bouquet of lush roses and a small surprise that will constantly remind you of him. Any family tyrant knows how to court in such a way that even your friends, left alone with you, will whisper: “A real prince! Lucky, so lucky!” And the woman herself, having believed in a beautiful fairy tale, ceases to notice even the obvious signs of an unhealthy relationship, into which she is gradually being drawn, as if into a funnel at sea.

Sign #4 – He is easily offended

When dating a sociopath, first of all, pay attention to his gentle and extremely vulnerable soul. It is easy to offend such a person with suspicion or reproach directed at him. In any negative situation, he tries to focus on his suffering, while he is practically not interested in your feelings. Therefore, remember, if your chosen one behaves over and over again in such a way that you want to feel sorry for him, you should take a closer look at him. Perhaps, after a short time, people will have to feel sorry for you.

By the way, in the overwhelming majority of cases, the victims of domestic abusers are not infantile young ladies, but women who have crossed the 30-year mark. As a rule, they yearn for a strong male shoulder due to loneliness or previous unsuccessful relationships with men, and therefore, having met such a “prince” on their way, they consider him the last happy chance in their life and are ready to endure a lot, just not to be left alone. Such women are easy to control, they will endure both humiliation and insults, they will always find an excuse for the tyrant, and ultimately they will get used to such a hellish existence.

Sign #5 – He always blames others for everything

Another distinctive feature of a future domestic rapist is the inability to admit his own mistakes and complete denial of his guilt. He admits to you that he is a scoundrel. Yes, he is! But he didn’t become a tyrant of his own free will, life made him that way (evil stepfather, orphanage, previous partners, etc.). Every sociopath will find an explanation for his actions. Moreover, by blaming everyone for his misfortunes, he prepares a path for retreat, constantly instilling in you the idea that if the separation does happen, it will be you who are to blame!

By the way, be sure to pay attention to how a man speaks about you among his friends. A sociopath will often talk about you in negative terms, pointing out possible shortcomings. In this way, he is simply “spreading straw” for himself in case in the future you start talking about the nightmares that you will experience with him.

Sign #6 – You don’t deserve me!

In a relationship with a sociopath, there always comes that turning point when he simply throws his partner off the pedestal on which he himself erected her. He simply does not know how to communicate with people on equal terms, or exalts them, or lowers them to the very bottom, and he does it skillfully, with manic cruelty, pressing his victim into the dirt and trampling on what is most valuable to him. If a woman is religious, he will begin to mock her faith and trample all the canons of God; if the partner is faithful to her man, he will begin to cheat on her demonstratively, enjoying her torment, and if she values ​​​​her children, he will turn them against their mother and try to deprive her of parental rights. Only by completely humiliating, trampling and throwing mud at his victim will a sociopath enjoy the feeling of victory over him. And this is perhaps the most alarming call, indicating that such a sick relationship should be ended immediately!

Sign #7 – Turns everything inside out

It is almost impossible to bring a domestic tyrant to reason. It seems that it might be easier to sit down and talk with the person, find out why he behaves so disgustingly and what is your fault. However, in reality, such questions to a sociopath immediately run into a wall of misunderstanding. The despot either skillfully turns the conversation in a different direction, or turns everything around in a way that suits his interests, using completely absurd logic for this. True, he is so convincing in his words that at a certain moment you begin to think whether you have gone crazy? Remember, calling a tyrant to account is a waste of time. In the end, you will be to blame for his bullying, and besides, you will be forced to ask for forgiveness for your behavior!

Sign No. 8 – Did he love me?

As a result, the moment comes when every victim of a sociopath asks himself the question “Did he love me?”, and comes to the conclusion that there was never love in such a relationship. Indeed, tyrants and torturers are incapable of love, and one should not smooth over the corners by calling such relationships “sick love.” There is not a single drop of sincere feelings here, he simply used you for his own purposes in order to receive material gain, stroke his own pride and receive moral satisfaction from humiliating his victim. As soon as you stop giving him material and moral support, he will immediately disappear from your life, going after a new victim.

Thus, how long this unhealthy relationship will last largely depends on the woman herself. Some of them, even after breaking up, try to pursue a man, wanting to sort things out and express to his face everything that hurts them. However, is it worth doing this if it is initially clear that it is pointless to appeal to the conscience of the tyrant.

Sign #9 – It’s your own fault

Don't try to find out from your tormentor why he does this to you. In any case, the answer will be in the spirit: “You yourself brought it to this!”, “I thought you were different, but you are like everyone else!” With these words, the sociopath knocks his victim off the pedestal of exclusivity, leaving her with low self-esteem and pangs of conscience. And before slamming the door, he adds the catchphrase of all tormentors: “A little more and everything would have been different! You just didn’t have enough female wisdom (tact, patience) for this.” With this phrase, the sociopath leaves the woman feeling guilty for everything that ruined the once happy relationship.

Is it possible to tame a sociopath?

Many women have a reasonable question: can a sociopath have normal family relationships? Actually it can. But for this, his partner must be the same sociopath, with a stronger character, who herself will make a victim out of the man, not allowing him to humiliate and abandon her whenever he pleases.

Such a union can last more than one year, sometimes even a lifetime, although it should not be confused with love. The sociopath will deftly manipulate him, bringing the man closer and further away just enough so that he does not leave her and at the same time does not feel like he has power over her. In all other cases, the woman becomes a victim of a sociopath and is doomed to endure insults and humiliation until the relationship with such a person breaks off. To correct the situation, she has only one thing left to do - take a decisive step and break off the sick relationship forever! The fight will require a lot of strength, parting with him will not be so easy. His behavior will change as if by magic - he will again become attentive and gentle (while not forgetting to throw mud at you in conversations with friends and neighbors). Relatives and friends will unanimously claim that you are abnormal for wanting to part with such a worthy person. The thought involuntarily begins to creep in, have I gone crazy? No, and a thousand times no! No matter how difficult it is, no matter how much strength it requires, no matter what you have to lose (money, property, etc.), believe me, parting with your tyrant husband is worth it! The world will sparkle with new colors, you will be able to live calmly and freely, without adapting to someone who is impossible to adapt to. And that's good news. Take care of yourself!

Our society is developing, men and women are becoming equal in rights. The times of living according to the rules of patriarchy and house-building are becoming a thing of the past, giving way to new models of relationships. However, cases of tyranny in the family are still common, especially in our country, where families often live by the rules by which their parents and earlier generations lived. A woman can even consider it normal to exist in conditions of oppression and manifestations of despotism and aggression on the part of a man, because her grandmother lived the same way and did not complain. However, it’s the 21st century, the rules are changing, and all family members deserve respect. How to recognize a tyrant when you already live with him, and what to do about it?

Signs of a tyrant husband

A woman living with a man is not always immediately able to recognize the makings of a tyrant. The problem is that she does not value any slight manifestation of despotism, considering it a manifestation of masculinity. But when tyranny reaches outright cruelty, the woman no longer knows how to get out of the current situation. What you should pay attention to, what are the signs of a tyrant husband:

• An oppressive husband tries to put his wife in a dependent position. This applies to both material and moral aspects of life. For example, in principle, a wife cannot have her own budget; she must account for every penny spent, even if this money is earned by her personally.
• The tyrant speaks rudely and disrespectfully about his wife's friends and relatives. Thus, he puts his wife in a position in which her communication with them is difficult, if not impossible. He limits his wife’s communication with her friends, especially unmarried ones. She must devote all her time exclusively to him.
• The husband constantly finds fault with and ridicules his wife for any reason. We are talking about appearance, makeup, manner of speaking, voice, hairstyle. Criticism also falls on everything a woman does: tasteless food, dirty apartment, not washing her socks on time. If the wife is offended by his jokes addressed to her, then the tyrant husband accuses her of lacking a sense of humor.
• An oppressive husband stoops to outright insults, blames her for all the problems and tries to make her feel guilty for everything, including the mistakes of the man himself, saying that she brought her up, got in her way, distracted her, etc.
• A tyrannical man is the master of his word. He gave it himself and took it back. That is, such a husband rarely keeps his promises. But he expects, or rather even demands, the diametrically opposite from his wife.
• A tyrant husband is constantly trying. Usually husbands of this kind put pressure on the fact that no one needs such a wife except him.
• Often, tyrants have one or several dependencies. We are talking about alcohol, drug or gambling addiction.
• The husband takes out his anger on his wife. At the same time, he really likes to bring a woman to tears and screams, so that later he can accuse her of hysteria and inadequacy.
• A disregard for the interests of the wife, since tyrant husbands do not see in their wife a person worthy of attention and respect. She should live only in the interests of her husband. The tyrant husband will be especially angry and jealous of any of his wife’s successes in work or hobbies. Although in theory he should have supported his wife in her endeavors.
• Groundless jealousy towards all persons of the opposite sex surrounded by the wife at once.
• Assault is an extreme manifestation of tyranny in the family. A tyrant husband considers it normal to push, strangle, or hit his wife. No remorse haunts him. On the contrary, he will also blame his wife for bringing this up every time.
• Systematic humiliation. The tyrant husband constantly shouts that he is the main one in the house, that his wife’s place is somewhere in the kitchen area, and she should only give her voice with his permission. Such moral pressure is constantly exerted. The wife is forced to be afraid to contact him again, so as not to fall under the hot hand.

All this sounds extremely unpleasant and wild, but it occurs in many families. What makes men do this?

Psychology of a tyrant: why does a man become a tyrant?

As you know, men are the stronger sex. But a truly strong person will never assert himself at the expense of someone who is obviously weaker than him. This leads to the conclusion that the psychology of a despot, tyrannical behavior is associated with the weakness of such a man. Being weak, tyrants begin to oppress and humiliate a woman in order to thus exalt themselves in their own eyes.

Such a desire for power over a companion speaks of serious internal dissatisfaction with life, place and status in society. Therefore, he will achieve unbridled power where he can do it, that is, in the family. This is one of the possible reasons for a man becoming a tyrant. In this case, we are talking about a subjective assessment of one’s place and achievements. For example, a tyrant man is not necessarily poor, unlucky at work, etc. It’s just that his place and achievements do not satisfy his desires, expectations and ambitions.

Psychologists believe that the reasons for male family despotism should be sought in childhood, when a man’s personality was formed. For example, the future tyrant could grow up in similar conditions, so he transfers that model of behavior into his life, because he has never seen another. The opposite situation is also possible, when the boy grew up in frankly hothouse conditions, he was allowed everything. In adult life, such a man simply cannot admit that he is wrong, because he has never been wrong before, this has never been pointed out to him.

Another possible reason for male tyranny may be unsuccessful first love and similar situations that left a serious mark on the boy’s psyche. Such moments give rise to complexes that live with the boy, and then with the man, for many years and result in tyrannical behavior in the family.

How to prevent tyranny?

It is better not to solve any problem, but to try to prevent it. What to do if a guy becomes a tyrant even before marriage? How to see the makings of a tyrant? How to avoid a future life with a despot?

No matter how trivial it may sound, you don’t need to marry the first person you meet, succumbing to the feeling of falling in love. It’s better to live at least a few months together and get to know each other better. This way a woman will be able to see the future model of her family relationship with her husband. If a guy is trying to start completely controlling a girl from dressing up for going out and planning a joint weekend to jealously looking at her phone for every SMS, etc., then the woman should not delude herself that this is guardianship. She is not behind a stone wall; most likely, this is how the makings of tyranny begin to appear.

At these stages, the girl can still position herself in such a way that the guy’s despotism will not manifest itself towards her. A woman should not enter into an open conflict; she should only set some boundaries beyond which a man should not go beyond in his behavior. Otherwise, he must understand that separation awaits him. Also a guy psychologically, showing weakness, but at the same time not allowing it to be used. At the first manifestations of tyranny, a woman can try to put her in her place: scream, start packing her things, etc. The main thing is not to endure and ignore dangerous “calls”. You cannot allow yourself to be humiliated and disrespected.

But if already at the initial stages of a relationship a woman sees bad “symptoms” such as hysterics, limited communication with friends, or even God forbid, pushes or blows, it is better to leave as soon as possible and not hope to change the tyrant, it will only get worse.

Types of family tyranny

Depending on his character, personality and other factors, a despot husband can terrorize his wife using various methods.

Economic tyranny means that the overall budget is under the complete control of the husband. On the one hand, this is logical, because he is the head of the family. But when a woman has to ask for money for every little thing, even hygiene products, while reporting daily on what exactly the money was spent on, this is not the norm in family relationships. At the same time, a woman can earn even more than a man; this does not matter to him.

Controlling tyranny goes beyond the economic and spreads to other areas of life. We are talking about total control of movement, demands for reports on where you have been, instant responses to calls or SMS, scanning of social networks and your wife’s phone.

Psycho-emotional tyranny consists of completely ignoring women's opinions. For a tyrant husband, he simply does not exist. If a woman allows herself to disobey even in some small detail, this leads to a scandal. As for the arguments of a despot in a dispute, it is usually something like “Because I think so,” “My word is law,” “I am in charge here,” etc.

Sexual tyranny continues psycho-emotional, but already. Here the woman is used to satisfy needs in the way, when and as much as the spouse deems necessary. Of course, a woman’s opinion, preferences, and most often, her desire are not taken into account.

The tyranny of insult and humiliation lies in the fact that the husband not only does not take into account his wife’s opinion on all issues, but proceeds to outright rudeness and pressure on the woman, even if she listens to him and does not argue.

Physical tyranny consists of assault and beating. It occurs when a tyrant husband is no longer satisfied with previous methods of influencing his wife. At the same time, from time to time the despot will become more and more enraged and inflict more and more serious damage, which entails a risk to health and even life. If such cases begin to enter the system, the relationship cannot be saved. Ideally, in general, if a woman goes to the police, but many victims of tyrants are very afraid of this.

The first question that a woman living with a psychological tyrant husband must answer is whether it makes sense to continue this marriage in principle? There cannot be a single answer here; each woman must decide for herself.

There is no need to judge women for continuing relationships with tyrants. Usually they simply cannot do otherwise. What could be the reason for this behavior of female victims?

Often, tyrant husbands initially marry women with low self-esteem so that they obey them and indulge their whims. Another popular reason for maintaining a marriage is financial dependence on her husband, due to the presence of small children, lack of work, health conditions, etc. There are, of course, purely For example, a woman may miss the times of the romantic beginning of a relationship with her husband (and tyrants are very skillful at letting dust in the eyes at the first stages of dating). Or it could be a feeling of guilt that it was because of a woman that a man became like this (this feeling could well have been generated by the tyrant himself). Someone, for example, is simply afraid of being alone and tolerates tyranny. After all, there are women who like the psychology of the tyrant-victim relationship.

If a woman, for some of the above reasons, seeks to maintain the relationship, then the next question arises. What to do if your husband is a tyrant? There are some tips from psychologists on this question:

• There is no point in trying to change a despot husband. This is useless, because despotism is already a serious part of his inner self.
• The most important thing is that you should never ignore or ignore the slightest manifestation of disrespect addressed to you. A woman should not allow violence to happen to her. She must always remember that she is an individual with her own convictions, which her husband must take into account. It is important to realize that the opinion of a despot spouse is only his own opinion, and not the ultimate truth. A woman also has the right to speak out and be heard. For the sake of preserving themselves and their pride, timid girls will have to learn to give a decisive rebuff to any manifestations of violence. If verbal persuasion does not help, you can use a slap in the face. The husband must see that his wife can stand up for herself and her beliefs. Perhaps the man will reconsider his attitude.
• A tyrant husband may try to prohibit communication with relatives and friends. A woman should not follow this whim. Close people should always be present in life if there is such a desire. Relatives will support and help. If cases of domestic violence continue, then in the end you can hide with your relatives and come to your senses.
• There are many centers to help women suffering from domestic violence. Living with a tyrant husband, it is vital to know the location of the nearest one, and also to have in your phone book the number of a helpline or social service.

Do not forget that women are the weaker sex, and negative emotions leave a huge imprint on her. Therefore, there is no need to refuse the opportunity to seek help from a specialist psychologist, for example, Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

How to get rid of a despot husband?

If, after all, life with a tyrant has become impossible for a woman, then all that remains is to break off the relationship and get a divorce. This is very difficult for any woman; you need to act step by step, prepare yourself for this and think correctly.

First of all, it is necessary. After this, it will become obvious that wasting your life staying with a man who is unloving, disrespectful, and even dangerous to life and health is pointless. The wife must understand that for her husband she is simply an object on which he throws out his negativity, uncertainty, through which he tries to assert himself, etc.

Practical steps need to be taken. If necessary, consider future housing, source of finance, etc. At the same time, it is advisable to consult with a psychologist who will help you get through a difficult period in life.

Next, you need to gradually restore your communication with loved ones and friends, who will definitely support you during this period. You need to try to “go out into the world” or do something that will help restore strength.

The most difficult thing is to announce your desire to leave. If the tyrant husband does not come to the point of assault, you can try to do it directly. If he beats the victim, then it is better to pack your things and leave while he is not at home. At the same time, it is important to become legally savvy; divorce from such a person is not an easy matter.

It is important to understand that the likelihood that a tyrant who has acquired the taste will reform is practically zero. Therefore, there is no need to listen to his persuasion; a woman must firmly act according to her plan.

The victim of such a relationship may not worry that her ex-husband will pursue her. Typically, tyrants are cowardly and do not want their behavior to be made public. If fear is still present, then you can go to another locality and start a new life there. It will be better than staying and living your life in humiliation and beatings. Children should also not be the reason for maintaining a damaged relationship. If only because it is harmful for the children themselves and their psyche.

Tyranny and domestic violence are a tragedy. A woman should not be afraid to report such cases openly, including to law enforcement agencies or special social services and assistance centers. You need to understand that any violence is a crime and a man must be punished.

If you want to learn more about the psychology of a despot man, then this article is for you. From it you will learn how a tyrant gains trust and begins to control the people around him, causing them pain and suffering.

Greetings,

dear readers and guests of my blog!

Have you ever heard of Pareto's law: 20/80?

It says that only 20% of the efforts in any business produce the main result,and the remaining 80% is something of little value and insignificant.

So, I thought: it is quite possible that 80% of our life isempty, vanity, routine and only 20% is worth something and brings meaning.

And some don’t even have these 20.

Moreover, if such a person is surrounded by people who are actively stealing his life interest.

However, sometimes just one thief is enough.

Aimed, for example, at realizing the instinct of power, constantly controlling everything and capable of letting go of hands on occasion.

This problem is especially relevant for the female half of humanity.

As you already understand, this article is about who he is male tyrant.

It is a continuation of the previous publication:

« »

because they are united by a key problem - aggression in the family.

In this article I will describe the psychology of a tyrant, and in one of the following publications I will definitely talk about the main signs by which you can identify a domestic despot (you can read about this),

I will also present ways to free ourselves from his power (and more about that).

It is important to note that the topic of family tyranny is very closely related to such problems as: , negative life scenarios and victim behavior patterns.

You can find articles about this in the section:

By the way, let’s agree that the words “tyrant” and “despot” will be synonymous for us, otherwise we will get confused in the semantic nuances :)

Contents of this article:

Who is a male tyrant

Types of domestic tyrants

Psychology of a tyrant

Who is a male tyrant

It must be said that for our society, tyranny and aggression in the family is a very complex and difficult problem.

Many families suffer from the hostility of their husbands, from their constant nagging, ignorance, anger, bitterness, physical and moral violence.

The problem is complicated by the myth that the problem will go away on its own. But this is not true at all.

Read about this in the article:

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In short, then

A domestic tyrant is a person who strives for constant control and power over loved ones and shows extreme, most often unmotivated, aggression towards them.

As a rule, the tyrannical type of character of a man is formed already in childhood.

When parents, through their attitude, develop or at least stable neurotic personality traits.

It would seem that he just took it and left such a person!

But the other side of tyranny is almost always the subordination and powerful dependence of the wife and children on their ruler, the husband-father. This addiction binds your hands and feet, and it is not so easy to free yourself from it.

The victim of a tyrant almost always depends on him physically, emotionally, materially and financially. Most importantly, a tyrant husband does not leave you the opportunity to choose, or completely controls him.

Relationships with such a person are filled with the expectation of a constant shake-up: if something doesn’t work out and doesn’t go as it should, then you instantly get an explosion of anger and aggression.

Those close to a tyrant have very low self-esteem (this, by the way, is one of the basic reasons why it is difficult to leave a tyrant and resist him).

Close to topic article:

There are...

Two types of domestic tyrants

Type 1 is a classic aggressor, aimed at suppressing others through scandals and shouting. He can use both emotional and physical violence, skillfully alternating and combining them.

Type 2 is a respectable aggressor. This type of aggressor is known as a caring and exemplary family man. In his family you will almost never hear screams, much less see assault.

It’s just that instead of family quarrels and scandals, relationships in such families are permeated with caustic jokes, sarcasm, ridicule, and casually critical remarks.

The criticism of such a tyrant is almost unnoticeable, and his hostility and discontent are expressed by gestures, intonation and gaze.

Such families are dominated by emotional abuse based on humiliation and control.

What these types have in common is that they use guilt and fear as key tools to influence others.

At the same time, the tyrant husband tries to exhaust and weaken the woman emotionally; he arranges everything so that she always remains indebted to him and guilty before him.

How a despot ingratiates himself into trust

The tyrant conquers his victims and makes them dependent in 3 stages.

On first stage he surrounds his future wife with care and love. That is why many women at the beginning of a relationship with such a person cannot discern his despotic essence.

As a rule, the tyrant takes upon himself all the worries about the material and financial support of the family. The wife can only manage the household, considering her betrothed to be an excellent provider and economic man.

Thus, the husband, who has not yet shown his despotic nature, puts his wife in complete financial and material dependence.

On second stage the despot begins to slowly isolate his wife from her usual environment, tries with all his might to protect her from relatives, friends and acquaintances, often manipulating them and provoking .

In addition, he begins to lower his wife’s self-esteem in every way, devaluing her in her own eyes.

Either the soup is undersalted, or the cutlets are undercooked, then she is of little use in bed, then she looks bad, then she has gained weight, then she has lost too much weight, and it is very embarrassing to go out with her.

There is no aggression here yet, so far it is only mild dissatisfaction and criticism.

Moreover, all this happens gradually.

So that the woman does not even notice how firmly she has internalized the attitude: “Nobody needs me, I have nowhere to go, I will always have to be near this person.”

In addition to low self-esteem, at this stage the victim develops a powerful feeling of guilt, even for something to which she has nothing to do.

On third stage , in order to finally suppress the already dependent wife, the tyrant begins to show physical and moral aggression towards her. Here fear becomes the main tool of influence.

At this stage, the life of the wife and children of a domestic tyrant turns into constant attempts to guess his mood and adapt to it. They are chronically anxious and afraid that something is about to go wrong, and they receive another outbreak of aggression and violence.

There is another option for ingratiating a despot into trust, but I will talk about it in the next article. And now…

Psychology of a tyrant

According to most approaches to the study of the psychology of power and submission, a man is a tyrant (yes ) are formed in childhood.

As a rule, his parents or one of them were tyrants. Aggression in the family, domestic violence and humiliation formed in him and in order to compensate for it, as an adult, he tyrannies others.

The psychology of a tyrant is the result of a very strong and psychological ill health.

The tyrant is controlled by a powerful power complex designed to compensate for his internal weakness and .

Being weak within, he asserts himself at the expense of others through the use of violence, control and hostility. For him, those around him are objects for self-affirmation; by suppressing others, he protects himself.

There is another option for shaping the psychology of a tyrant.

In his childhood, everything was different: a completely prosperous family, kind and calm relationships. But the parents did their best to please their child, instilling in him that he was the best. This is how a narcissistic person with an inflated Ego was formed.

Now the world revolves around him, everyone owes him and is obliged to do what he says. And everything that does not fit into his egocentric picture of the world causes him aggression and anger.

Very often it turns out that a tyrant is someone who seeks to project responsibility for his life and guilt for his problems and life difficulties onto the people around him.

It is important to know that any tyrant has a conflict bubbling inside between what is desired and what is actual.

He is never satisfied with his life, he is always dissatisfied, and his joy is short-lived and mainly associated with the implementation of a power complex.

In our lives today there is still quite a lot of negativity that a large number of people encounter every day. And one of these harmful psychological factors is domestic tyranny. How often do we hear complaints from women who are literally bullied by their husbands. Moreover, their tyranny is so strong and pervasive that women for the most part cannot even think about getting rid of this slave position and parting with their tyrant husband forever. Living next to a person who constantly humiliates and insults his wife and other household members is very difficult, but rarely does anyone try to free themselves from the oppression of their domestic tyrant and continue to endure all this bullying in silence.

Let's try to figure out what is the secret of such endless patience of women and how to get rid of a domestic tyrant. It is impossible to understand and justify a husband who brings pain and fear into the family. But why women meekly agree to tolerate such treatment is a mystery. The psychological phenomenon of this phenomenon has been studied deeply for a long time. Modern psychology has already accumulated enough material to understand this phenomenon and is trying to adequately resist such shameful manifestations of their superiority by domestic tyrants. At the everyday level, to be able to resist the despot. Therefore, you need to know the psychology and signs of a domestic tyrant. What to do with such a husband and how to get rid of him? We will talk about this further.

What are the signs of a spouse with tyrannical tendencies?

The main feature of people prone to ruthless tyranny can be considered their obvious obsession with the thirst for omnipotence. They passionately desire to occupy a dominant position in the house and control everything around them. If your husband is a domestic tyrant, then he is extremely annoyed by any attempt at disobedience, and open resistance to his psychological pressure completely infuriates him. He clearly feels complete discomfort when someone escapes the zone of his total control and subordination. With such a man, you are not supposed to have your own opinion on any question, because for him there are only two opinions - his and the wrong one.

Other signs of a domestic tyrant are that a man demonstrates his power and blatant inadequacy of behavior if someone tries to remove him from his pedestal and debunk his significance. He will try in every possible way to suppress disobedient people who pose even the slightest threat to his indisputable authority. For a tyrant, it is important to spread his power as far as possible and subject everything to his control - every little thing must be agreed with him and the final decision also remains with him.

The tyrant behaves like a slave owner

Domestic tyranny is a neurotic disease. Its owner doesn’t even know about it. He will never admit mental health problems, but under all his suppressive aggressive actions he will provide a suitable plausible reason, which should whitewash his ugly actions and attitude towards others. It would seem that all the signs of a domestic tyrant are present. The husband behaves like a slave owner, does not allow anyone to take a step without his obligatory participation, keeps his wife and children in strict obedience - but it turns out that this is how he shows his concern for them. And it doesn’t matter that this concern looks like a maximum security colony - it is impossible to convince the tyrant of this.

The tyrant's opinion is the only true one

And, by the way, it is also impossible to convince him of anything. After all, in any dispute, the opinion expressed by the domestic tyrant should win. The signs of the disease are that agreeing with someone else’s opinion is beyond his strength. He considers this a manifestation of the weakness of his positions and an undermining of his authority. Even if this is completely obvious, and you provide a bunch of evidence that he was wrong, you still won’t hear him admit that he was wrong - he would rather burst into abuse and demonstratively leave his interlocutors than agree with their point of view.

Dependent position of the spouse

Such a spouse sees his main task as putting his wife and household members in a position dependent on him. The characteristic signs of a domestic tyrant are manifested in cutting off his loved ones, those whom he considers his property, from other people and views on life and family structure that differ from his. He will definitely try to ensure that his wife does not work, even if he himself does not earn very much. It is important for him that she does not for a moment fall out of the zone of his influence and control, does not see a different model of family relationships and does not want to get rid of his power.

Motivating the demand with concern for his wife’s health and the fact that while staying at home, she will be able to pay more attention to the issue of raising children, the tyrant husband achieves his plans. A psychologist would see in such behavior undoubted signs of domestic extravagance. After all, it is clear that a non-working woman becomes completely financially dependent on her husband. Having no income of her own, she is forced to ask her husband for money, motivating each of her purchases. Meanwhile, he gains excellent leverage over the personality of his wife, and children too, reproaching them from time to time for the fact that he feeds and clothes everyone.

What happens to a wife whose husband is a tyrant? Changes in the psychological state of the victim spouse

Of course, in such a situation there are few who want to throw off domestic tyranny. Obvious signs of a domestic tyrant also appear in the fact that a non-working wife, after a short period of time, will lose self-confidence and the sufficiency of her knowledge and skills to perform a particular job. There are enough examples in psychology of how a lady who has been sitting at home for several years is afraid to go to work. At the same time, she loses her independence even more, becoming a free addition to her owner.

But, having dissuaded his wife from work, the tyrant will not rest on this and will go much further. He will begin to show dissatisfaction with the fact that her relatives and friends are visiting them. If your husband forbids you to communicate with relatives, neighbors, friends, classmates and other numerous acquaintances from premarital life, these are also signs of a domestic tyrant. A man will discourage you from those people who are capable of at least a little shaking his authority, and will impose as friends those whom he considers necessary.

Such total control over the wife’s environment provides her with complete isolation from the outside world and her past life. Now for her there should be one authority and light in the window - her husband. What to do with a domestic tyrant so that he does not seize complete power over you? After all, this person wants to reign supreme and completely subjugate his half. He will stubbornly and fiercely defend his power, because its loss for him is similar to the loss of the meaning of life.

With the advent of emancipation in our lives, more and more women are decisively getting rid of domestic tyrants. Signs of illness in their husbands are completely obvious to them, and most modern girls pay attention in time to the peculiarities of their partners’ behavior. Noticing their husbands’ attempts to dominate them and begin to dictate their will, they break family ties and forever leave the sphere of influence of the usurper spouse. But these are women who are strong in spirit and look at the world soberly, without covering their eyes with rose-colored glasses. They can recognize these painful signs and confront them.

But there are many women who want to believe in the best and try not to notice the signs of a domestic tyrant. What should such stubborn idealists do who, in a crude and unceremonious attempt to deprive them of work, money, friends, personal opinion and freedom, see it as a manifestation of concern for the family? How can we teach them to respect their unique personality and not let anyone suppress it? Where can they find enough strength to resist the strong will of their tyrant husband? And do they really want to resist their beloved guardian and master? Maybe they feel loved and protected from external aggression with such an attentive husband?

Stand up for your rights

If you want to preserve your individuality and personal freedom, if you want to live by your own mind, and not be a silent executor of someone else’s will, take measures to limit your husband’s influence on you and your children, as soon as you detect signs of a domestic tyrant in him. What can you do to prevent your relationship from going so far that you have to urgently break it off? First of all, there is no need to submit to all your husband’s commands. After all, by doing this you provoke a previously hidden neurosis to break out. At the beginning of your family life, your husband may not know about his claims to life and it is quite possible to get along with him. But by recognizing his exceptional position and fulfilling all his even erroneous demands, by your obedience you convince your husband of his leading role.

After all, the psychology of a domestic tyrant is such that it is very important for him to have a victim who provides him with the necessary emotions. If you begin to defend your rights from the very beginning of the relationship and do not agree with the role of the victim prepared for you, then you will not allow his distorted signs of a domestic tyrant to develop. What to do to avoid becoming a victim of an overly ambitious husband? We'll talk about this a little later.

The relationship between a domestic tyrant and his victim

Now I would like to shed some light on the relationship between a domestic tyrant and his victim. Psychologists classify an overly obsessive desire for power as a sign of neurosis. And it is typical for a neurotic to divide people into weak and strong. The strong admire him, and he really wants to appear so to others. But he himself is weak, which is why he needs material confirmation that he is not weak. Truly strong people do not need to attract attention or demand admiration. They are confident in themselves, everyone around them also sees this confidence, and no one would think of doubting their strength.

Weak people, burdened by neurosis, try to prove not only to others, but also to themselves that they, too, are among the strong. And to do this, they need to demonstrate their strength on someone and differ favorably from someone. This is where the victim’s finest hour comes! In fact, she is just a decoration, against the background of which the tyrant hopes to look strong and confident - a kind of all-powerful master, manager of hearts and souls. It’s not for nothing that they say that the king is played by his retinue, otherwise how can one understand that he is a king?

For this simple reason, a domestic tyrant is in dire need of victims, and the more of them there are in his environment, the wider the borders of his possessions and the larger the “kingdom”. A neurotic person is constantly tormented by a feeling of weakness and worthlessness, because he knows about this and first of all needs to convince himself of the opposite. And he achieves this by humiliating and oppressing victims who are completely dependent on him. It is not in vain that to begin his exaltation and humiliation of his wife, he chooses such a difficult period as pregnancy and the first years of raising a child, when a woman is most weak, vulnerable, defenseless and requires support. This is the best time to break her will and curb her character.

The neurotic very skillfully manipulates his victim, using both the carrot and the stick. But he is also easy to manipulate - you just need to pretend to be humble and agree with his decisions. He encourages such “reasonable” behavior not only with praise, but also with expensive gifts. So, a smart wife may well twirl her ambitious husband like a gypsy with the sun, and he won’t even understand it. For him, the main thing is that he is admired and shown who is boss in the house, and the fact that his wife carefully led him to make a decision is the tenth thing.

But if such coexistence does not suit you, consider useful advice from psychologists on how to get rid of a domestic tyrant. It is better to leave your husband without explanation.

When a woman has learned to manipulate her own tyrant husband, there is no need to fear for her fate. She herself will cope with this issue perfectly, since she is not a real victim, but simply plays it in her own interests. Her psyche is intact, and she thinks adequately. But if a woman feels like a victim of tyranny, is attacked by her husband and suffers incredibly from this, but does nothing to defend her interests - this is already sad and sad.

It is difficult to teach a potential victim how to deal with a domestic tyrant. A despot husband is her karma. If he suddenly dies, such a woman will again marry the same tyrant and will suffer in the same way. But she needs to understand one thing - no one from the outside can help her here - either she will learn to respect herself and begin to fight for her rights, or she will remain a victim for life. A woman herself must want to become different - brave, independent, free, only in this case is it appropriate to fight against her tyrant husband. We will focus on those women who decided to eradicate the victim within themselves and start a new free life. Which, however, does not necessarily mean an inevitable divorce - if you can show by the strength of your character that you are no longer a victim, and he accepts this, it is quite possible to continue your family life, just don’t give in again - be on the alert and always defend your rights.

Changing the psychology of the victim

So, what to do if your husband is a domestic tyrant. The advice of a psychologist will be useful to those who have already understood that simply leaving your husband does not solve the problem. To be happy and free, you need to change your psychology and worldview, otherwise you will go in a circle and the next husband will be an exact copy of the previous one. If you have firmly decided that there is no longer a place for tyrant men in your life, these tips are for you.

Once you decide to make changes in your life, don’t be afraid to be independent and make decisions about how you want to live next. Cut the umbilical cord that connects you to your husband and take responsibility for yourself.

Having chosen freedom and the desire to be an individual, completely reconsider your worldview, make a serious reassessment of values ​​and life priorities. Think about how you would like to build your future independent life, where to live, what to do. Make a step-by-step plan for achieving your dreams and start making it happen small. If you feel difficulties and uncertainty, visit a psychoanalyst. A qualified specialist will help you gain confidence and choose the direction of movement.

Increasing self-esteem

After suppressing your Self for a long time, you may initially feel a tendency to lower your self-esteem. Buy fashionable clothes, do a beautiful hairstyle, dazzling makeup and admire yourself in the mirror. Walk down the street - nothing increases self-esteem more than the admiring glances of men and the envious glances of women. Love yourself - and the world around you will change for the better.

Staying with your tyrant husband, succumbing to his persuasion and tearful assurances, do not be mistaken about him - it will not be possible to re-educate the tyrant, so you will have to ruthlessly suppress all his attempts to dominate so that he does not put on the crown again.

If your children are holding you back from taking a decisive step, think about the fact that they also suffer morally in such an environment. In addition, constant suppression of personality in childhood gives rise to such severe psychological consequences and incurable complexes that it will be very difficult for your children to enter normal life with them.

Conclusion

If your husband is a tyrant, then staying with him or leaving is up to you. The main thing is to remember that you have self-esteem, which no one should trample on.

Greetings, dear readers of the blog “site”. What do you know about tyranny in the family, about tyrant men? If nothing else, you're very lucky. But unfortunately, many women sooner or later encounter tyrant men.

Some men are prone to tyranny due to certain life circumstances. Every woman should know... There are several signs by which you can determine that your loved one is a domestic tyrant.

Signs of a domestic tyrant

The tyrant insists on quickly getting closer to his partner (for example, he offers to start living together almost immediately after meeting), tries to immediately achieve exceptional devotion from her, acting assertively and even arrogantly.

The tyrant is jealous, treats his partner as property: he constantly calls, returns home unexpectedly, forbids her to work because she might meet someone along the way, and times her absence. A woman has to forget about meeting friends, going to a beauty salon, having fun and other little feminine joys.

A domestic tyrant keeps his partner submissive, interrogates and inquisitively (especially if she stayed longer than she promised) who she talked to and where she was, controls her expenses, insists that she ask permission to go on a visit or do something.

The tyrant demands the impossible from his partner, expecting her to be an ideal companion who will satisfy his every whim on demand.

He keeps his partner isolated, tries to deprive her of communication with family and friends, and accuses the people who support her of meddling in something other than their own business.

The tyrant blames anyone other than himself for all failures (the problems and mistakes of a domestic tyrant are always someone else’s fault; if something happens, rest assured, there will be someone to blame). He always holds others responsible for his feelings.

The domestic tyrant is overly sensitive and touchy, talks about his wounded feelings, when in fact he may simply be out of sorts, and considers ordinary everyday things to be the height of injustice towards him. Did your wife not have time to wash or iron her shirt, cook dinner or do the cleaning before he arrived? A scandal is guaranteed.

The tyrant is cruel to children and animals. He can easily beat a defenseless mongrel, punish a three-year-old child for wetting his pants, or simply bring him to tears.

The tyrant pretends to use force during intimacy. He loves to throw his partner around or hold her against her will during sex. Finds the idea of ​​rape fascinating.

A domestic tyrant constantly criticizes his partner, says frankly cruel things, curses, humiliates, calls him names. He can also disturb his partner's sleep and wake him up in the middle of the night with merciless curses. He strictly separates the roles of men and women, he expects his partner to sit locked up at home, serve and obey him, and does not even allow the thought of helping her with housework.

A domestic tyrant is subject to unexpected and sudden mood swings and can turn from a calm, sweet person into a monster in a matter of minutes. He can beat his partner for the slightest offense and even for no reason, while claiming that she was to blame, asked for it, pissed him off and forced him to raise his hand against herself.

The tyrant often threatens his partner with violence, saying things like, “I’ll break your arm” or “I’ll kill you,” and then brushes it off, saying that it wasn’t meant seriously and that’s not what he meant.

If at least one sign resembles the behavior of your partner, think about whether it is worth continuing the relationship; under no circumstances tolerate domestic violence. A man who behaves towards people like you is almost certainly a domestic tyrant.

Or do you still believe that he behaves this way because of his passionate love for you? Nothing like this. The tyrant loves only himself, and in the future his behavior towards you will only change for the worse. Take care of yourself, because you are alone.