How to properly support a man in a difficult situation. How to support a man when he feels bad? Mistakes that women make when wanting to support a man

In the life of every person there are crisis, unsuccessful or downright dangerous periods. Men experience them especially hard because they are forced to keep their emotions under strict control. Boys are told from childhood: “You must be strong, it is indecent to show weakness, you cannot cry...” How to support a man in this situation? What should and should not be done by a loving woman?

What words to use to support a man?

How can you support a man?

It is difficult to argue with the opinion that great men are made by brilliant wives. This is actually true: it is the woman who determines not only the atmosphere in the house, but also the spiritual mood and energy potential of her lover. A wise woman should know what words to support a man who suddenly finds himself in a difficult situation, and how to really help him.

The rules are quite simple.

If a man is clearly not in the mood, frowns, is nervous, answers questions sharply and briefly, and generally behaves unusually, there is no need to approach him with questions. Intrusiveness will cause irritation, and instead of constructive communication, you will end up with a useless scandal.
The main rule of a crisis situation is to freeze and not make sudden movements. Behave as usual, don’t pry into your soul, but observe the situation. Give your husband time, provide silence, lack of fuss and a delicious dinner. If he wants to talk, he will come himself. All you have to do is correctly guess non-verbal signals: frowning eyebrows or ambiguous phrases.
But if the silence is prolonged, you must definitely show your participation. This should be done as delicately as possible. For example, say: “I see that something happened, it’s hard and bad for you. I'm here, you can count on me at any time when you're ready to talk. I will do anything to help you because I love you.” No one knows your man better than you, and only you can choose the right words.
You can indicate your closeness and willingness to help without words, just by being nearby. Lie down or sit down while doing something unobtrusive: a book, a tablet, a handmade item (but only if it doesn’t annoy your husband!).
If he doesn't mind, you can do a light massage of the back, head, and feet. Skin-to-skin contact brings you closer and relieves stress at the same time.

The main thing is to show that you understand the complexity of the situation, respect any decision of the man and are ready to help in deed and word.

What not to do

What a man definitely doesn’t need is female pity, obsession, excessive sugary tenderness, chatter and stupid fuss. Sympathy and pity are completely different things. The first is constructive and beneficial, gives strength to act and solve the problem, the second is meaningless and destructive.

There is no need to try to relieve tension with artificial liveliness or, God forbid, unhealthy irony. Both can cause an explosion of aggression and irritation.

You need to take into account both the situation as a whole and individual nuances: the character of the beloved, temperament, state of health. To understand how to properly support a man, you need to imagine the area of life in which the trouble occurred. By choosing the right behavior strategy, you can maintain harmonious relationships and strengthen your intimacy.

Support is a very important moment for a harmonious relationship in a couple. A man will greatly appreciate a woman who can properly support her at some difficult moment in life! Therefore, it is important to understand how to support a man when he feels bad.

The non-trivial women's site will tell you about this.

Mistakes that women make when wanting to support a man

Let's start by looking at the wrong things women do with the best intentions.

A pity. No man, in any situation, will be pleased that a woman shows him compassionate sympathy (even though it is sincere). You cannot hint that he is pathetic, weak and powerless in the face of circumstances (even if in some situation this is indeed the case). A man should know that his woman considers him strong and capable of overcoming any difficulties.
Don't console. There is no need to look for the “bright side of the coin”.
Bravura joy, attempts to cheer. If a man is sad, then your feigned cheerfulness will irritate him doubly. Strong men should experience their bad mood themselves.
Obsessive affection, attempts to please, appease, distract, etc. This irritates the man, as he understands that the woman is behaving this way on purpose. In men's eyes, this is an extra reminder of troubles.
Questions about what happened, why is he upset? The fact is that we, women, judge by ourselves - most of us find it easier if we speak out, talk about our problem and our feelings to a loved one. And men need to “keep silent”! And questions oppress them even more than indifference! After all, a man wants to look successful in front of a woman, and not talk about his failures! If you don’t know how to support a man when he’s feeling bad, words and questions may be completely unnecessary!

Questions “Are you sad because of me?”, “What did I do to you?”, “Are you offended by me?”, etc. Finding out the relationship is the worst thing you can do. If a man is sad about something else, then it will be unpleasant for him to make excuses. If he is really upset about something related to you, either he himself will want to talk, or he is able to remain silent and forgive you after some time, without scenes and dramas. But it is possible that he himself feels guilty in front of you and is thinking about how to correct his guilt... In general, there is no need to meddle with suspicions and guesses, he will tell you himself if he considers it necessary!
Persistent offers to help, intervene in the situation, fix everything together, etc. If a man messed up himself, then he must also correct it himself. You don’t need to be a “mom” for him, who runs to save his stupid “son” from all life’s troubles. This will once again worsen his sense of self! Of course, there are situations when your help is really needed - but it is better to wait until the man himself asks you for specific help or asks for your advice. The exception is perhaps a serious illness, injury, etc., when a person needs care, but he himself may not ask for this help.

What support do men need from women?

But what should you do if you want to support a man when he feels bad? It is important to feel what your loved one needs, what kind of mood he is in...

If you in a couple “feel” each other at all, then this happens almost on an unconscious level. There is a chance that you will guess with your heart what will now become support for your loved one!

But it’s still worth reading on the “Beautiful and Successful” website how to support a man if he feels bad. Wise women do this:

If your husband has just appeared on the doorstep, and you can already guess from his face that there are troubles, under no circumstances show it! Act as normal and watch his reaction.
Usually it is very easy to guess from a man whether he wants to talk or, on the contrary, needs privacy or just silence. If a man responds to your words gloomily, with irritation, in short phrases, it is better to postpone attempts to communicate until later. Do not impose yourself on your company - perhaps the man just wants to be alone (alone in a room, or in the same room, but without talking about anything). Watch, but don’t peer anxiously and don’t run up with different “testing” reasons every 10 minutes (“can’t open the window?”, “will you have borscht?”, “didn’t mom call today?”, etc.). If he wants to talk, he will speak himself, and ask for borscht, and open the window.
Sometimes a good option on how to support a man when he feels bad is to stay nearby, but silently. Sit or lie down - maybe just each with their own magazine, but feeling each other’s touch. Many men love a relaxing back or leg massage; this is a good anti-stress therapy. If a man needs your close presence, he will sit next to you! The key point is not to intrude and do not use this moment either to start a serious conversation or to chat in monologue mode. Just shut up and be with your loved one.

Prepare the man something tasty and satisfying, make him tea. Offer dinner - again, a minimum of words, and do not insist if he does not want to eat. But in general, men also tend to “eat up” stress (well, if you don’t drink it down!). Even with the current ostentatious indifference to food, he will appreciate and deep down will be grateful to you for this concern.
Don’t make noise, don’t rattle dishes and various things, don’t do anything like general cleaning, ask the children to go to the nursery and not bother dad. Ideally, do something of your own, sit at your laptop or sit down to read, but in such a way that the man understands that you are here, you are nearby, you are ready for dialogue, for help, for active support at any moment!
How to support a man when he feels bad, from a distance - ask once how you can help specifically. If nothing, say that he is great, that he is strong and will certainly cope, he should be lucky, etc., that you believe in him and approve of the decisions he has made. Do not speak about the problem in an overly ironic manner, even if you want to somehow support a man when he feels bad - this may look in his eyes as a misunderstanding of the seriousness of the troubles, indifference to his affairs, or (worst of all!) - like you making fun of him. Save the sarcasm for later. Either offer practical advice (if the man asks for it!), or simply assure your loved one that you are confident in him and will always support him, no matter how the problematic situation develops!

As you understand, supporting a man when he feels bad is more important by creating a calm, cozy atmosphere around him, and not by obsessive efforts!

Support is an important moment in everyone's life. When there is a person nearby who can lend a hand in difficult times, it is worth a lot. In the relationship between a man and a woman, one of the main components is how they help each other in life. Despite the fact that guys are considered the stronger sex, it is very important for them to have a reliable rear. He will appreciate a partner who knows how to support a man in a difficult situation. This will be discussed in this article.

How to support a man in a difficult life situation?

If you see that the face of your loved one is marked with a sad thought, he refuses food and prefers loneliness - troubles have happened in his life. And whatever their nature - competent behavior of a loved one he needs it now.

Your strategy will depend on his temperament, but try to adhere to the following rules:

You can't solve other people's problems, but you can put a person in the right mood. When he is relaxed and calm, thoughts line up in the right places.

How to do this from a distance?

Being far from your loved one, it is difficult to understand the situation, and this makes it hard for you too. Knowing that he is in trouble and needs support, and you cannot be there, you begin to feel sad. But it's not right. More precisely, you will still be sad, it is wrong to show your excitement.

Sometimes you can bring more benefits to a person from a distance than being nearby. It all depends on how and what you will tell him:

If something out of the ordinary happens, the main thing is not to panic. Listen calmly and answer calmly and judiciously. By showing him your fear with your intonation during a telephone conversation or in a letter, you will reinforce his sadness, and by speaking confidently, you will calm him down;
We need to help him look at the situation from the outside, so try to describe the problem as you see it. Give a couple of positive arguments and suggest solutions;
Some guys don't like to talk about their difficulties. In this case, even knowing about the troubles, you will talk about abstract topics. Tell us how you are doing and what you are going to do. Maybe he needs to forget now to relax.

And do not allow sarcasm or all sorts of jokes. When a person's emotions are running high, he may misunderstand them, especially from a distance.

How to support a man when he feels bad?

The art of being a reliable girlfriend lies in the ability to raise a man's self-esteem in a timely manner. Studies have proven that testosterone in the blood drops along with self-esteem in guys. And this is the most important hormone for them; it is responsible for strength and desire, among other things.

When the level of this hormone decreases, divorces often occur, because the husband thinks that he is not able to carry a family on himself or takes a mistress to raise his tone. But if he knows that at home they are waiting and believe in him, he will never leave such a woman.

Therefore, when your friend or husband is depressed, no matter what the occasion, engage in his self-esteem.

To do this, you need to be able to feed his masculinity:

Give him compliments;
Praise, celebrate successes;
Create situations where he can express himself.

By helping him, you will help yourself. After all, when your husband has difficulties, he will pay little attention to you. In this situation, you can serve as a source of positive energy, which he will later return to you.

What mistakes should you avoid?

Wanting to help, girls often go overboard and resort to prohibited techniques. Consider them, otherwise you risk aggravating his condition:

Distinguish between two concepts - pity and affection . There is no worse blow to his pride than pitiful looks and conversations. You cannot imply that he is weak or powerless. The guy needs to know that he is considered strong and reliable, capable of overcoming difficulties. But you definitely need to caress him a little - cook a delicious dinner, rub his back;
Don't try to cheer me up. Your loud laughter and jokes may seem inappropriate and become annoying;
Don't be offended by his bad mood. Let him be silent, be alone - don’t push;
Don't force help. Yes, you want to be a loyal and reliable friend, but you don’t need to become a “cackling mommy.” He is an adult, your “groaning” in his ear will give him a feeling of inadequacy.

Of course, these rules are not suitable for everyone; someone needs help, maybe he is waiting for it. Therefore, be guided by the situation and temperament of your partner.

How to support a man in his endeavors?

Your friend's success depends on your attitude. It can be difficult for a guy to fully believe in himself, and you should become a tailwind for him. Much, of course, will not work out. But when he does something and gives his all, support is needed:

Believe in him. Show by words and behavior that you do not doubt his success;
If possible, involve your friends;
Do not criticize in case of minor failures, try to understand the essence and offer options for further actions;
Accompany him if necessary. Go to events together.

But in order not to explain for a long time, let’s give an example of one athlete, he was involved in triathlon. His wife cooked for him during the races, was present at all the equipment change points during the competition, and spent the last kilometers climbing the mountain with him as a chaperone on one of the distances.

Phrases that can be effective

Use these phrases to lift a man out of a depressive stupor, raise his self-esteem and soften the situation:

Darling, you are the best (smart, sexy, strong, calm, well done);
I am proud of you;
Next to you I am calm;
You're talented;
I believe in you;
You can handle it;
I'm nearby, you can count on me;
It is not your fault;
I appreciate what you're doing.

When saying something to your partner, remember what does he want to see in you:

She listens to me, but does not judge me;
Cares, but in moderation;
Talks, but does not interrupt;
Close, but does not violate personal space;
Knows shortcomings and knows how to ignore them;
She trusts and will not check.

Of course, this is a variant of the ideal; it is impossible to be like this, because everyone has a different character. But you can adhere to some rules, especially when he needs help.

So, we tried to understand how to support a man in a difficult situation. It is not such an easy task to find the right words when a person is worried about something. But now it has become clear that sometimes it is better to remain silent and show restraint, and sometimes you need to act confidently.

Video about supporting men in difficult situations

In this video, psychoanalyst Tatyana Tolstova will tell you why you shouldn’t touch a man going through a crisis in his life:

A man who is criticized, whose mistakes are constantly pointed out, is unable to achieve anything. Ability to provide support- this is talent. This is the ability to see what others do not yet see, this is the ability to turn disadvantages into advantages.

Many women misunderstand support and often confuse it with encouragement and praise. Yes, these concepts are somewhere nearby and similar, but they have a very significant difference.
Usually we praise for some victories and actions; praise must be earned. And support is given just, simply because this person is next to you, he is dear to you and you believe in him.

So, to provide support, you need to:

Accept a man as he is today. Criticism will not change or correct anything. Unfortunately, if we women are criticized, we strive to improve and change. But men are built differently: they become even worse. It’s like in school, if a girl gets a “C”, she will be very worried and learn everything with an “A”, and a boy, having received a “D”, will stop studying altogether.
Positive attitude, which means you should expect only the best. What helps to be optimistic? Keep a diary, gratitude makes us happy here and now. And also stop watching the news, or better yet, avoid TV altogether. The news is negative. Today a plane crashed, tomorrow people died. Then we vaguely feel anxiety, fear, anxiety; in such a situation it is impossible to remain positive.
Faith, you must believe in your man 200%, even if he doesn’t believe in himself. But for this, it must be in your value system. You notice what may be obvious to others, and believe in what others take for granted. But for you, its qualities are special and valuable.
Respect, the man needs to make it clear: - You are important to me. Be sure to do the exercise I recommended and write down 100 points for which you respect and appreciate your man.
Confession. You know that your man has virtues and qualities that others do not have. If you are next to this man, then this is probably true.

How can we support a man:

- in order for us to provide support, we must understand my man. That is, to know what he wants, what he plans, what he dreams about. To do this you need to be able to listen to understand what kind of person is next to us. Unfortunately, we don't know how to listen. Because this is a passive state, and we are accustomed to activity. But you need to study! A man should see that you are listening to him, that everything he says is important and interesting to you. Show him this. Refuse to do anything at these moments, and even if the children call you, do not interrupt your husband. Nothing will happen to the children.

- give up criticism and condemnation. Perhaps this is the most difficult task for a woman and it stems from the differences between the structure of a man and a woman. It is very difficult for a woman to understand why a man does not respond to criticism and does not improve.

- focus your attention on the life of her husband. If you work, you should have the time, strength and energy to pay attention to your man and your relationship.

Support should make your man stronger, not weaker. Therefore, you should not solve a man’s problems for him, wipe his tears, give practical advice or push him to action.

Support has nothing to do with pity, since you know that your man is strong, powerful and courageous. It's more of an internal process. This is your transformation, first and foremost as a woman. It is by developing feminine qualities that you help him become a man.

One of these qualities is softness. Read more. Every person is vulnerable and has their own sensitive spots. And a soft woman, knowing this, will never press on these places. Next to you, he should feel that you will never touch him or hurt him.

It's important to be attentive, positive, willing to give in. Support is especially important for a man in difficult times, and a woman who is able to provide such support is especially needed.

Don't expect quick results, waiting for results will ruin everything. Because the tactic: “I give you, and you give me” misfires. You support your husband for two or three days, believe in him, but nothing happens, you break down and again turn to criticism and condemnation. No one will notice a fly in the ointment. Therefore, immediately give up expectations of results.

Support your man sincerely and selflessly. If you can give him a feeling of inner confidence, he will definitely move mountains and do it for you!

Tatyana Dzutseva

In contact with

Sometimes life presents a guy with unexpected and unpleasant surprises, and it is so important that in difficult times there is a person nearby who can provide such necessary support. Of course, in such moments, intuition comes to the aid of many women, but not always and not everyone will find the right words and way of communication.

In some cases, wanting to help and not understanding how to do it correctly, you can even harm and aggravate the already serious condition of a loved one. That's why it's so important to have an idea of how to support a guy and help him get through difficulties.

It’s easy for any girl to spot moments when her boyfriend is out of sorts. All people are different, and everyone needs their own approach, which a loved one can always feel. General rules of behavior will help you navigate difficult moments and provide such important support.

Create a cozy home environment in which the guy can relax. Take care of him, cook his favorite dish, turn on good music, give him a relaxing massage, a bath with aromatic oils, or offer to watch an interesting movie. Leave him alone with himself or doing something he loves. It is important that the guy feels that home is a place where he is loved, appreciated, welcomed and allowed to be himself.
Exude optimism and confidence that all problems will be solved in the future, even if you yourself have a hard time believing it. The guy should feel your faith in him.
Try to help with unobtrusive advice, smoothly lead him to solving the problem, or push him towards specific actions, but let him choose the solution himself.
It is important for some people to take their mind off the problem for a while and switch their attention to something else, so suggest taking a walk in the park, going to the cinema or theater.
For many people, it is important to speak out, after which the soul becomes lighter and options for solving the problem appear. In this case, become an attentive and patient listener, do not interrupt him and say a few words of encouragement at the end.
Don’t let your boyfriend fall into long-term depression, support him psychologically, because love can work wonders, and tenderness and affection are its best helpers.

Tell him important words of encouragement that will help comfort him during difficult times:

It is not your fault;
Your decision will certainly bear fruit;
You will definitely succeed.

No matter how independent and strong a man is, he needs your support and expects it from you - be sensitive.

How to support a guy during illness

Health problems are difficult for everyone. In such cases, do not show pity, try to cheer up the sick guy in a humorous manner and set him up for a speedy recovery. It will be a support to know that his presence is missed by friends and family - don’t be shy to say so. Shift your attention to what he will do when he is cured. Plan an exciting trip together to a long-awaited place or an interesting walk.

How not to behave

Many girls, sensing a guy’s bad mood and not understanding how to behave correctly, can cause even more harm in such situations. What can't you do?